Hollylooyah: hijinks of a free spirited stay at home mom

2011-12-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

Memories from 2010 and early 2011 So here's my first movie maker try. I'm going to try to put a few together for 2011 and vacations. Enjoy!

2011-08-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

Lucy's journal entry after reading Little House in the Big Woods.

If Laura lived today, she would...

think that our house looked different than hers. She would be surprised. Our house wouldn't be made of logs and it's painted green. She would be surprised and that's all.

Question: How is our food different?
How the food is different is they ate dead lambs and yellow cheese and herbs and squash.

Question: Did they have a pet?

Jack the bulldog.

Question: Would you like to live with Laura and Mary in their cabin?

No. Maybe. I think maybe yes because I would have sisters and maybe no because every night I would have Jack, my dog, barking.

Do you have any questions for me, Lucy?

Lucy's question: What would you think of living in their house? Yes, no, maybe.

My answer: I would love it, but it would be a lot of work!

2011-05-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

A good book. Read it!

I'm loving Strength to Love, a collection of MLKingJR sermons. I am always hesitant to actually read what my heroes have written for fear they will have written something misogynistic or insulting to people with disabilities. And then I'll feel sad and disappointed in them. Kind of like Jefferson and racism/slavery. I just have to remember that heroes are human and that no one has truly attained perfect enlightenment in this life. But so far, there has been some "evidence" of MLK's time. For example, he speaks about the then current belief of how people became mentally ill. It's a little Freud, a little behaviorist, and a little pop psychology from back in the day and completely unaware of what we know and are learning about the brain today. So those are some of the negatives in idolizing humans! Obviously he couldn't help it. At least he didn't say it was caused by demon possession in the way those who are completely brainwashed into thinking that the Bible speaks on scientific topics do! :)

The good stuff: He reiterates that change must come from within. Change comes through peace and not force. Change comes through changing YOURSELF first. You set your agenda and then live by your ideals. You do it to the point of death, but you do it realizing that you can't control others. There is a time when you have to stake your claim. Realizing that peaceful change is radical and life threatening (the world tends to execute or imprison those who are postive world changers, in one way or another: King, Lincoln, The apostle Paul, Jesus, Mandela, and so on)

That doesn't mean that I believe there is never a cause for violent response, but I do believe that violent response (like with parenting and spanking) does not provide the change that comes from within. A true heart and mind change. Violence can immediately protect someone's life and can enforce justice but it's not going to perpetuate justice. What does though? That's what I've wondered? Is it religion? I don't think so, as Frederick Douglas writes (I've been reading Slave Narratives, a recommendation from my hubby), many of the cruelest slaveowners were the "pious" ones. And there have been plenty of people who used their faith to perpetuate injustice. Is it education? Is it blending our lives with those who are "Other" so that they aren't "Other" anymore? Is it never going to be found?

Anyway, it's a very inspirational collection, I highly recommend! I find that in different ways but in similar spirit, that today we are still fighting a battle of equality for women and for people with disabilities. We still have separate but equal (and often inferior) in education. I haven't studied any of this. So, if you have a good suggestion on peace studies, equality or social justice studies, gender studies, or disability activism, I'd love to read it. Send it my way, please!

I'm trying a new tactic these days. Instead of being angry and bitter towards society and its exclusion of those with mental disabilities, I'm trying to understand and be optimistic. So that's where all this is coming from. I've been reading all kinds of books on peace, gratitude, relationships, activism, prayer, etc. I may not achieve my goals, but I've learned a lot in the process.

2011-05-11T08:08:00.000-07:00

Lucy woke up today and came to snuggle, I always say outrageous little terms of endearmenty type things, so I said, "Good morning, flower petal." She snuggled up to me. I said, "If you were a flower, what kind would you be." She replied, "Whichever is your favorite, mommy. I want to be your favorite flower." I said, "I guess lilacs are my favorite. You want to be a lilac? (she nods yes and says she'd love to) What flower should I be?" She said, "You don't have to be a different flower. You can be a big lilac tree and just take care of your baby."

2011-05-08T20:53:00.001-07:00

I had fun gardening at my mom's house today. We put together little terracotta pots of annuals and some perennials and helped get their front porch ready for the summer. The kids played the entire day. I received the cutest cards and love letters from my kids and husband. And Scott repaired the pearl ring that he gave me for our first Christmas. Plus I picked out a lilac candle and a new welcome mat (I get ridiculously excited over things like that). We went to Luke's birthday party at the new Happy Joe's in Burlington and had one of my sister's amazing cakes. The cake had two layers, was green with icing grass and had worms hanging out of the side with a giant spider on top. We finished off the day with a swim and hot tub at the hotel. The kids were so relaxed... so lovely. Noah is singing quietly singing, " Row, Row Row Your Boat" while the others are falling asleep to River Monsters now, one of their favorite shows.

I'm looking forward to the morning because we are taking the whole day off from school and making it a vacation day

2011-04-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

I saw a mother goose today and two of her goslings were on one side of a median and 4 or so were on the other. And she just kept walking in circles confusedly while cars stopped in the street not seeming to know how to get them all on the same side.

It seemed like such a familiar scene to me. I feel sometimes like I'm raising children in this uninhabitable, unnatural world. I can't protect them and I can't help them and the cars are zooming around us.

But then later, I was happy to see that they were all gone, and I'm assuming the little goslings made it over the median and everything is beautiful again.

2011-04-22T18:50:00.001-07:00

Today I had an ultrasound on my neck for my gigantic lymph nodes. Of course I'm terrified and googling all the things that it could be. But they are really bothering me! I hope it gets better soon!

Then I stopped over to see my Nana at her place. I got a bonus and got to see my Aunt Ruth and Aunt Becky. My Aunt Ruth told me that she is the oldest person with Cystic Fibrosis in the world! Wow. She's amazing! Next I had a barn meeting and then time with the family. I'm glad to start the weekend. I could really use the rest!

Today we were featured in the Iowa Life Section of the Des Moines Register for Earth Day, so that was fun. It had a picture of our whole family.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2011104220318

All in all an interesting day.

2011-04-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Whew. This was a busy day. Soooo, lately I've not been feeling super great... swollen and painful lymph nodes and just really tired. Well, I've been playing catch up from last weekend, which was so busy we didn't even have time to get groceries! Not good! So, our lunch pickings were very very slim. This morning before school, I went to check Andy's lunch to make sure that he has an adequate lunch and OH MY GOODNESS: this is where it is clear that my poor children suffer sometimes with me as their mother. He has a small paper grocery bag with tortilla chips put in the bottom just loosely, a whole carrot, two dried pineapple rings, and no drink. "Mom we're out of juice boxes and kefir smoothies." So, I give him money to buy milk (school lunch has stuff he's allergic to, so I can't just buy him lunch, plus I can't leave Noah with the Homestead worker because of liability). THEN I noticed he's packed himself a note that says, "I will always be there for you." That's right, he's given HIMSELF a note; he said, "I packed one for myself because you never have time to put a note in my lunch anymore." So after collapsing in grief and guilt (okay not really, but I felt like it!), I repackage his lunch with slightly better ingredients ( I added pretzels and peanut butter for dipping) and actual containers and send him off to the school (with the neighbor... see I have to depend on everyone which also adds to my guilt load, because I can't do all of it, but so grateful to my neighbor!).

So a couple of hours later I went to La Mie to surprise Andy with an awesome lunch out of the blue. I bought a giant delicious sandwich, a macaroon, and a San Pellegrino aranciata (his favorite), put it in a bag and wrote a big long gushy note on the side complete with heart. Lucy and I went over to Hubbell and had him come down to the office. When I gave it to him, his face lit up like you wouldn't believe. I hugged him and told him, "You are my sweet Andy, my amazing boy, you are so precious to me and one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. I believe in you and I hope that you have a wonderful day and that you know how MUCH I love you. Because I do. Very very much." He gave me a huge hug and ran off. As Lucy and I were leaving, I hear the slap slap slap of shoes come back down the hall and he comes up behind me and says, "I just want to give you another hug, Mom. And Lucy too." So he hugged us both for a long time and went back to class.

I thought about the incident a lot today. I do lunch "checks" periodically and he usually has a decent lunch, but I've certainly quit making them for him daily. He does it all himself. I made my lunch from about 8 years old and on so I certainly think it's doable and perfectly acceptable. I try to have good supplies for him, but sometimes it's not necessarily adequate and sometimes he doesn't feel like packing protein, so I make him add something even if it's just a piece of cheese.

But the note. The NOTE! Oh my goodness. I had no clue how important getting that note from me was. And how sweet he is to pack his own note because he thought he needed one that day for encouragement. Bless his sweet, resilient, smart, little heart. While I feel that I need to improve my attention to detail and realize the impact a few words of love and encouragement from me actually make in his life, I am so proud of him for knowing what he needs and getting it for himself. I didn't really know that he had that skill for emotional things, and I'm glad he does.

Needless to say, after I quit writing this, I'm going to spend the next half hour making little notes for his lunch so he never has to give himself a lunch note again. I love that little kid. I hope that I am a consistent enough parent and that he knows deep down how very much I love him.

2011-04-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today Lucy and I took a little walk to the Des Moines Art Center and through Greenwood Park. She loved the Three Cairns by Andy Goldsworthy. I love Goldsworthy's work so much. There is an amazing piece at the National Gallery of Art in DC. I saw it last October and just fell in love.

Actually, I love art in general. It was a pleasure to share it with Lucy. She loved it. She told Scott that today "I saw culptures and paintins." So cute. She also was making a poem about Maya Lin and a hot dog and a violin in a park. She thought it was hilarious that she figured out that Maya Lin rhymes with violin.

We sat and watched them take down an exhibit and move a 400 pound piece of art. We also ran into our neighbor, Kim, who is a current docent. We admired all the different architecture, walked up the glass staircase in the Meier wing and took the gigantic elevator. We talked to a few guards and laughed over the Tuttle.

I can't pick my favorite work at DMAC because I can't narrow to just one. I love the Calder mobile, the Ellsworth Kelly Yellow and Blue, Lichtenstein's pyramids, Richter, Debuffet, and Maya Lin's Rock Field gives me chills of happiness. I miss being in the art center frequently as a docent. That was such a great experience. I quit doing it because I went to law school, but then I quit law school to stay at home and homeschool... Am I a quitter or a dabbler? I always wonder that about myself.

Tonight I had another ceramics class so I got to be there twice in one day. Being close to the art center is one of the biggest reasons why I moved to this neighborhood and one of the reasons why I didn't really want to move too much!

I am challenging myself to blog every day for a month. I'm not going to really edit or perfect, but just get my thoughts and reflections of the day out there. The days seem to be going so fast and I want to capture some of what's happening, even if it's just a small bit.

I love art. So much. Going to an art museum or an old cathedral or ruin fills me with happiness more than almost anything (well, except prairies and oceans). There's something about the work of human hands that gives me such a huge feeling of hope and wonder. Humans are wonders of this earth. I suppose I'm speciesist, but it's true. I am in awe of what we can accomplish, the pride we take in our work, the creativity and craftsmanship we can display. I'm glad I got to share that with Lucy today.

2011-01-29T16:06:00.000-08:00

Andy's sweetness:

Today Andy wanted to pick up some raspberry mochas as a *very* special treat. So we went to Starbucks after the library and the two little ones split a small raspberry mocha in two kiddie cups. Well, dear little Lucy drank about 5 sips and then dropped it in the parking garage. Andy promptly gave her his. Wow. Wow. He is such a sweetheart. I was floored by his generosity.

He also spent a lot of time hugging Noah today and telling him how much he loved him.

I love that little boy so much. When we were in Florida he picked out a stuffed owl Hedwig from Olivander's in Diagon Alley (at Universal Studios Wizarding World of Harry Potter). It's pretty neat and soft and fluffy and makes Hedwig screeches. It's just so great to still enjoy these years.

8 years old is actually are really fun age. I highly recommend it.

2010-11-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

I'm cleaning up my blog drafts and ran across this from a month or so ago! Here it is!

I haven't blogged for a very long while. I miss it! Ever since I purchases a Droid, I've madly typed everything with my thumbs... and somehow blogging just doesn't seem to fit that mode. Not that I don't write incessantly with my thumbs anyway on Facebook. Lol.

Some highlights since I last posted:

Lucy has started dance class and art. She's so excited by it, and such a little firecracker. She's not afraid, she's confident. I love it. We have lots of time together now that both of the boys are in school. She's always making something, pretending something usually about babies or animals. Even her ghost pretends are populated by baby ghosts.

Andy is enjoying school at Hubbell. He's been learning all kinds of things about the world. That is one thing I like about his IB school, the emphasis on other cultures. That's what we love at home and something we learned at home too, and he has a huge interest in that. I have no doubt that he will have a lot of wanderlust as a young man and will want adventure. It's nice to awaken that now. He is often found playing with a neighbor girl. They had a tree fort for awhile and now an inside fort at her house with private stashes of precious things like minerals, reproductions of historic maps and old money. They play with their bows and arrows and satchels all the time. I love that he has a strong playmate that shares his passions of constant movement, pretend play, and that they are both in second grade at the same school. Andy has also been going to Cub Scouts and enjoying that as well.

Noah is attending Smouse. This last week he started an intensive bathroom program at home and has had quite a bit of success with that. We'd like to become as independent as possible so that we can move to another state (possibly) that doesn't have as good of disability services. Learning how to eat by mouth was step one. Learning bathroom skill is step two. From there, we will have a lot of independence I think. Although Noah will probably need constant help and supervision long term. He got to go to a Bob Dylan concert with Scott and me, which he loved. He's still getting equestrian therapy and music therapy, and through that has been learning more speech.

Scott and I are up in the air on so many things. We'd like to move. We are eager to escape winter, or so we think right now. We've outgrown our house in so many ways with one bathroom, a small bedroom for the boys (Andy gets his head stepped on about once a week), we can't all eat in the kitchen now because we've outgrown that, and our clothes (we don't even have that many) are bursting the seams of closets. I'm thankful we have the attic for overflow, but having a more roomy house would be nice and particularly a new school for Noah as we've been constantly butting heads with the DMPS to get even the slightest service that he needs from the beginning. I believe that the people at Smouse want what is best, but the system is not willing or able to provide what is needed.

There is no other solution for him other than 1. moving or 2. me homeschooling him again by myself. And really 2 was so draining emotionally and isolating, while simultaneously kept me from important things like, caring for my own health, cooking dinner for my family, having relationships, and just being Noah's mom. Maybe I suck as a person and should be able to do all of that, but I find it difficult. That leaves us with moving as an option. Or staying and being at odds constantly I guess.

I am so very thankful for the Homestead which has been there through everything, supporting him, aiming higher, listening and encouraging. They are a gem in our community and if they ran a school (that I could afford), I would send Noah there in a heartbeat.

So, most likely we will be putting our house on the market while simultaneously trying to continue to make it work here. I can't imagine if I actually needed to work and deal with all of this, and yet probably most of the parents at Noah's school are in that position and simply don't have the time to fight.

But this was supposed to be a cheery post. It was until Noah's school issues came up, as always the rest of our life is wonderful and Noah's school situation is sucky enough for all of us.

Anyway, I'm trying to think in a positive way, looking at all of this as a big adventure. And while adventures are not always fun in all ways, there are some wonderful things ahead.

2010-07-05T11:22:00.001-07:00

As promised, here is a collection of some embarrassing moments that have happened to me over the years. Enjoy!

1. Christian school girl goes to public school:

Alright, so I grew up in a very protective home where my innocence was preserved! In other words, I didn't know diddly squat about swear words, slang terms, etc.

Weeeeeell, my parents happened to have a Bible study every Thursday evening where I would babysit the little kids and chat with adults during fellowship time.

I was a chatty little thing (well not so little, a slightly chubby 7th grader at the time) and there was one particular funny man that always told funny stories and laughed a lot named Eddie. I am glad this happened when I was talking to Eddie, because Eddie had a really good sense of humor. So Eddie was wearing a green shirt and it was Thursday. Well, I had just learned that if you wear a "green shirt on Thursday" it meant you were "horny". I had absolutely no idea whatsoever what that word meant, but I proceeded to tell him that! His face registered complete shock! My face went white because this normally jovial guy is speechless and my stomach sank. What did I just say?? Then his bearded face crumples into this huge laugh, like guffawing, rolling, can't talk laughs. He said, "Do you even know what that means?" I said, "No, I assumed it had something to do with toads." (Yeah, I was cool! And also, why was I calling him a toad?) To which he then laughs for a full minute holding his stomach.

Then he calls his wife over, "Debi! Holly has something to tell you!" I then repeated it and she starts laughing too, but neither person will tell me what it means and say that I need to get that information from my parents. I ask them later and spent the next year or so in horror that at my Dad's BIBLE STUDY I called a grown man horny... you know, like a toad, duh! Yeah. I'm like a rock star, I'm so cool!

And that's only the beginning!

Here's one of my many embarrassing parenting moments. This is not really embarrassing so much as a parenting low point. I am thankful for guardian angels.

2. Okay, so Andy was one and he could walk. If you know Andy, you can assume that he was as energetic, wild, and intelligent as he is now only at a one year old developmental level.

I was loading Noah up in the car to take him to a doctor's appt. My sister Marie was there to watch Andy when I was gone. I ran inside to quick call the dr.s office to tell them I was running late, when we realized that neither one of us had Andy. We looked all over the house and yard, the attic, everywhere. I was outside screaming for him, telling him to come home for a treat and everything I could possibly think of. I ran out to the street where two nuns (one in full habit) were carrying him up the street straight for our house. They had been driving down the street and there was little Andy dancing around in INGERSOLL AVENUE. Yes, you read that correctly. Two nuns. And how did they know where we lived? See! Angels, I tell you! Oh, I was so relieved. After that, we bought a lock for the gate, had a security system put in, and we don't even park in the garage anymore because I don't ever want anything like that to happen again!

And for months after whenever we were driving, Andy would point to the street and say, "Run! Run!"

Here's a third embarrassing story for your entertainment:

3. Holly sells Candy Bars--- well not quite.

This is ironic because it is a story that deals with fundraising which I am currently doing right now for the Susan G. Komen foundation.

But when I was a kid, I was raising money for Talented and Gifted programs. And they had us sell these HUGE boxes of candy. Back then, kids just went door to door to perfect strangers. It was no big deal.

So, I get all excited to sell candy with my friend Amy. We go to our first house and knock on the door.

We knock and knock and finally this curmudgeonly guy opens the door. At that time, I was supposed to say, "Hi, we are selling candy bars for the Talented and Gifted Program! We will be traveling to Chicago this spring. Would you like to purchase some candy?" INSTEAD of doing THAT, I instead start laughing. It wasn't a normal laugh it was sort of like a shrill machine gun laugh. And I kept trying to take a breath and talk, but then I would do my little "Hir Hir Hir Hir Hir Hir Hir Hir" laugh again. My friend was frozen too just staring at me wondering what she should do. So the curmudgeonly guy slams the door in our faces. At that point, I stopped laughing. And silently walked down the porch and onto the sidewalk. I think I ate the whole box of candy myself and had my parents write a check.

2010-06-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

I have had the best day so far. This morning started with pancakes and pleasant children. Then after Noah caught the bus, we did some summer journaling (I'm so excited for the kids to have a fun keepsake at the end of the summer all about summer) while Lucy and Andy made crayons with their crayon maker. And here I thought that it was broken and I had thrown it out. Turns out it works and I had kept it! Woo! Andy said it was next to the paper making kit so that sounds like another fun thing. Anyway, we invented new crayon colors, purply purp, lava, alligator scale, and a few others that I can't remember. The crayon maker kit is so magical to them. They LOVE it!

After we dropped Andy off at school Lucy and I went to Greenwood Park to hunt for pond critters or plants that we could grow at home. We did come home with a few tiny little water bug type creatures and a snail which is the cutest little thing ever. So that will be fun for a while.

Probably the neatest thing we have done recently besides helping at the Greek food fair at church (which was crazy and fun) was to go to our friends', the McGoverns, last night to enjoy a night at the prairie. We do that once a year. It ended with organic red wine, tasty beers, and people sitting around the fire playing around with a banjo, fiddle, tin whistles, guitar, jug drum and singing (and laughing). The kids did sparklers and played Star Wars practically all night. Noah and Scott were able to take a little off road adventure to see the old oak savannah with 200+ oak trees. It was a wonderful night and I'm so glad because we were looking forward to it all winter long! Molly (a botanist turned massage therapist) and Joe(expert prairie restorationist) live here and keep this land trust alive and healthy, often removing by hand (and with plenty of intern help:) invasive species of plants:

Snyder Heritage Farm

They have done an absolutely amazing job of restoring wetlands, prairie and oak savannah from near total destruction in some parts.

Lovely, lovely night.

2010-06-07T08:16:00.000-07:00

This has been a great spring so far. We've started our garden and already harvest lettuce, spinach, and radishes. They are SO good! I've been busy with lots of projects. I redecorated the family room. I love it. I kept the yellow walls (which still need retouching!) and threw out the red sectional replacing it with a white one from IKEA (washable slipcovers). I also tore up the carpet down to the wood floor and bought a jute rug. I reorganized the toys and replaced toy baskets with seagrass and wicker ones. It is a pleasure to relax in the room. Of course the garden has been another project and I've been working on my front flower bed that I transformed last year by tearing out the dying juniper. This bed is HUGE at least for me, but I've been able to keep it under control by simply weeding it every morning after I walk Noah to the bus. Another project I have been working on is fundraising for a 60 mile walk I'm going to be doing this fall in DC with my mom, niece, and sisters. I raised 600$ at a charity sale and have a few more things up my sleeve. I'm also working on throwing a shower and bachelorette party for Marie since she is getting married July 31st. I had fun making the invitations and working with her friends to pull it off! Last year I purchased a tiedye kit and a bunch of white t-shirts because I wanted to make "team" shirts for our family for the summer. Well, I never got around to it, but I'm so glad I didn't because I am currently working on that for THIS summer! Fun! They are in the "setting" stage and then we'll wash and wear. I finally made my first successful yeast bread and made a few batches of cinnamon rolls. We have been using the Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day recipe. It's a book, but you can also find it in an archive of Mother Earth News. Every summer, we have lots of family time and usually get back into our family meetings again. I've been meaning to make a talking stick to use during family meetings, but finally got around to it. It's a special talking stick because I used a neat thing one of Noah's helpers made for him. He was a little scared of it to use it in the way she meant so we repurposed it and made a nice big gaudy feathery talking stick! It's special to me because someone made it for us with love and took a lot of time. We just added the stick and voila!

Here's a link that talks about the use of a talking stick.:)The use and origin of the talking stick

I like to think of summer as "Mommy summer camp" so it seemed especially appropriate! :) Of course the kids have lots of summer camp this year, even Lucy! She will be attending the zoo summer camp with a little friend. Actually it is the daughter of great friend since 7th grade! Isn't that fun?

Now we still need to plan a campout and vacation and our fall and winter trips and home improvement projects so we can make sure to budget time and money! This is one of my favorite things to do. I love planning things like that. We have had to learn to plan way ahead since we have so many people that we depend on for help. We've got to keep it all straight.

Let's see. Oh yes. Memorial Day weekend. Great time. We saw my Grandma Heiniger. We hadn't seen her for forever. We visited my mom and dad and alternated between staying in a hotel and camping in their backyard. We saw the Snake Alley Criterium, we went hiking and saw fossils in the limestone, and just generally had a great weekend easting at all our old favorite places.

I've been thinking a lot about my Nana lately. Her sister passed away recently and she is very sad. Also her husband has been having poor health and now she has some medical problems to worry about. I'm thinking of her often and remembering how much fun she used to have gardening and growing things.

On a positive note, we have had lots of fun times with friends and family this spring and are really looking forward to a wonderful season! Oh and Noah won another medal at the state Special Olympics meet in addition to getting his g-tube out and using more speech, we have been loving seeing his growth. Anyway, that's the news from Des Moines, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and the children are all above average!

2010-04-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Nelson Mandela

2010-04-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm checking in here today, it's been awhile! We've been busy, and life is good. So here are some little updates and memories that I don't want to forget!

Andy and I are two chapters away from finishing Peter Pan. I had never read the original Peter Pan before, and I am so pleased. It's a really deep, rich story. Lots of symbolism and adventure. Of course Andy knows the entire story already as he has heard various abridged picture stories and has watched at least 3 variations on it in movie form. But he's loving it anyway, and that makes me happy. Today I read the best quote from the book, I think. I felt a little excitement when I did, as though I recognized those words in my own heart. Here they are:

It's in the last battle scene when Peter is setting all the children free from the pirate ship. Wendy narrowly missed walking the plank after she refused to be the mother of the pirates. (Of course, I love that little tidbit of brainwashing... you know, all everyone 'Even pirates!' ever want is a mother)

"Now!" cried all the boys, but with a magnificent gesture Peter invited his opponent to pick up his sword. Hook did so instantly, but with a tragic feeling that Peter was showing good form.

Hitherto he had thought it was some fiend fighting him, but darker suspicions assailed him now.

"Pan, who and what art thou?" he cried huskily.

"I'm youth, I'm joy," Peter answered at a venture, "I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg."

Isn't that great? I'm surprised that wasn't the quote they all stood on their chairs and yelled in Dead Poet's Society.

Okay, on to other things I want to quick get journalled.

We are all so excited because Noah's g-tube is going to get taken out on April 19th. After 11 years! I can't wait for him to run his finger down his tummy and giggle when he feels nothing there. Such a relief. Like part of a bad dream is over. But at the same time, I'm appreciative of the g-tube. It is after all what kept him nourished for so long. He is tall and strong. He has healthy skin and hair. He's right on target, and we owe that to the g-tube. So, I can't let it go without some fanfare. We'll see what that will be. But anyway, Noah's Independence Day is coming soon!

As for Lucy, dear Lucy. She's so fun. She and Andy are currently taking a morning break hanging out with each other in the backyard hammock. Chatting, rocking and listening to birds. She loves Andy so much. Everything always has to be shown, given, etc to Andy. He's her buddy.

We're excited for spring. We're excited for summer. We're excited for the adventures we will have this year. I'm thankful for the gift of homeschooling for our family and also the neighborhood school just down the street that lets us be involved for 4 afternoons a week, no questions asked and with welcoming smiles.

I feel like we're in a "sweet spot" right now.

Of course, that doesn't change the struggles, the blood sugar regulation for Noah and Lucy, the therapies... the "work" of life. But choosing to live it, to face it and to not run away is a better way, and the path we're staying on.

Scott has been given the go ahead to work somewhere "remotely" for a month! Our new thoughts are to where we might like to go. Somewhere secluded? Somewhere nuts? (Disney World?) The beach? Maybe a beach house in the Outer Banks for a month? Who knows, but we are so excited about the prospects and thankful for the flexibility that Scott's job offers.

Alright. I've got to run, I'm going to walk Andy to afternoon school with Lucy and maybe take a little extra walk in the meantime... but first I've got to get them fed. Bye!

2010-02-26T11:43:00.000-08:00

Lately the kids have said and done a lot of really cute things that I don't want to forget.

1. Noah told the bus driver and bus aide, "Thank you for the bus ride" yesterday. He loves the bus ride. He pulls me down the icy driveway to the bus every morning. Whenever I hear the bus coming and call him, he comes running so fast from wherever he is in the house. They really like him too. He sings a lot of songs and is really sweet the whole ride to school.

2. Andy has been giving Lucy piggy back rides.

3. Lucy uninvited Scott from her birthday party for about 20 whole minutes because she was embarrassed that he laughed when she said she wanted a "real" dog. She loves animals so much! She is obsessed with dogs, elephants, cats, and bunnies. She's always making little beds for her "babies". Her babies are usually little dolls and an assortment of pigs, teddy bears, and all sort of creatures. When she takes a bath, she insists on having all the spiders, whales, and sharks that we have in the bathroom.

4. Lucy is currently sitting on the sofa watching Clifford wearing a "princess mommy" dress with an apron and a little cup of real peppermint tea.

5. Andy loves, loves, loves school in the afternoon. He loves being around kids so much. He adores PE, art, and music. He is excited when it's library day. He loves being responsible and packing his backpack and remember his gloves and hat. The principal told me yesterday that every time he sees Andy, he has a big smile on his face. I love that about Andy. I asked him what he thought about full day, but he said that he doesn't want to be away from me for more than three hours a day. And since I'm in a position to honor that, I am.

6. Scott has been able to work from home quite a bit this year, and it has been so great. It makes us really look forward to really snowy days because then he gets to stay home!

7. Noah is going to get his g-tube taken out in a few weeks. Yay!

8. We're planning our summer vacation out west this year. If we can take 3 weeks we will. I'm hoping we can save up enough vacation time and money to do that.

9. I've been a bookworm lately and have read The Road, An Unlikely Disciple, Another Mother's Life, plus quite a few read alouds with the kids. This year we finished Treasure Island, Nim's Island, and are finishing up Peter Pan. We're not sure if we'll read Pinnochio next or The Railway Children.

10. Andy has been loving reading the Junie B. Jones books since they have been reading those aloud at school after recess. They are apparently reading through a lot of the series. Anyway, he read one of the JBJ books all the way through all on his own and started rereading it. He loves to ask on his own questions at the library. The librarians are so kind and helpful and help him find all the Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Lego books he can find. And he fills up a basket with lots of books on CD, but he and Noah have to compromise on what they listen to at night. Noah likes jazz and Andy likes a story. Usually they start with a story and move to jazz. Andy was loving Song of Hiawatha for a really long time. We downloaded it for free from the internet and burned it.

11. Lucy is still loving Beatrix Potter and Peter Rabbit.

12. I have been aiming to work out 6 days a week, and I feel really good. I also quit caffeine for awhile and have been loving getting 8-10 hours of sleep every single night. Wow. That is so good.

13. Scott and I had a wonderful trip to Florida just the two of us. We had a convertible and saw probably 500 alligators (really!). We took a boat tour under mangroves in the Everglades. We fell asleep to waves crashing on the beach, feather beds, and sea breezes. We ate at fun Cuban, Italian, and South Amerian restaurants. We sunned ourselves on the beach for two full days while reading books. We drove all around Miami with the top down on the convertible night and day just so we could do it. So fun! We shopped for the kids and Lucy's birthday. I brought the boys back cute sport coats and shades and all kinds of things. Lucy-- purses, accessories, and clothes. The morning after we were home, she woke up and the first words out of her mouth were, "Where's mah puhse with all my 'cessories in in?"

14. Andy decided he didn't want to take music lessons anymore, so Lucy now has an hour lesson instead of a half hour, which of course, she is loving. Her teacher lets her look inside the piano, and they tell stories with stuffed animals that involve drums and the piano and the glockenspiel.

15. Andy is loving his art class at Studio Virtu as well as art at Hubbell. A big highlight was making a painting on glass and making a Chinese lantern and Chinese calligraphy.

16. Lucy is also loving making things and often asks for the glitter. I let her use as much as she wants and she thinks of creative things to do. One day, she called me in to see how she had taken glitter, spread it all over a sheet of paper and then took her little light spinner and made the glitter sparkle in different colors. It was beautiful!

17. Noah said the other day, "I love you, Mama." Brought tears to my eyes.

18. Lucy likes to speak in her made up language a lot. "Cokalogie" is a very important word in that language!

19. We like to all go to the library on Friday after I pick up the kids from school and Scott from work. It's a blast... today we can't go though because I have a massage!!!! and Family Fun Night at Hubbell.

20. Today Andy was giving Lucy "plastic surger Johnn Corkscrew style" with a snorkel and fins on. Hilarious!

21. Lucy has figured out on her own how to make duplo stairs and makes big tall towers and lego stairs.

22. Andy has played outside so much in the winter. He loves it.

23. Andy made a model of the Nile river and planted seeds in it. Lucy made a farm and planted seeds in it too. So cute.

24. My sensory boy has been playing with my daffodils, tulips and hyacinth. Noah will be sooooo excited when spring and summer come again and he can have some more marigolds. I'm really excited to plant our garden at the community garden again this year. This will be our 6th year there. It's been a great experience.

Well, I am going to go pick the kids up from school now, but I wanted to get some memories down before I forget them! They're a little disjointed, but that's okay.

2010-02-03T13:32:00.000-08:00

Here are some things I am learning about myself lately.

1. I really like psychology. A lot. I'm a little obsessed actually. The more I think of it, the more I think that I would like to pursue that as an occupation as the kids are getting older.

2. I also like the study of religions, all religions, and how they all intersect, overlap, and yet stay distinctly within their own definitions.

3. I would love having my own business. LOVE IT! Especially a retail store of children's products. Every year for like 6 years, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to come up with 3 business plans for myself. But I just keep coming up with a children's product business. Not sure if there is really a need for that in Des Moines. I have no idea where to start. And again... it steals from my family.

I want to learn. I'm itching to learn. This happened before I became a docent at the art center, and then I just threw myself into learning about art. Many happy afternoons were spent reading about artists and going to art museums. I hit at least one art museum on every vacation and even carried babies (well, one at a time) on my back so we could see them together. I remember one time during that phase when I saw a Provence exhibit of Post Impressionists and I cried because it was so wonderful. I went to the Louvre and Pomipou and just basked in the wonder that is art. Then I thought that I wanted to be more of an advocate for people... so I went to law school. I loved learning, reading, discussing, but I didn't particularly enjoy law as a THING to study. It was interesting, but not soulful enough for me. And by the time it would get soulful, I would have been in law school for forever and then would have not made a whole lot as a non profit lawyer. So I quit. And besides, I wanted to work more closely with Noah. And I did, and then he needed more than what I could give him, so then I worked closely with Andy. And now he's already outgrowing our times together and wanting to spread his wings a little and enlarge his horizons. And so I've got Lucy all day still, and even if I do continue the hands on parenting schtick (which I love), it is clear to me, that as I look ahead to the future... the kids don't stay here. Well, one does (yay, I get to keep one!), but the other two will go on and live their own lives. I'm not ready for anything different RIGHT NOW. Instead I'm thinking of seeds I want to plant now, that will in the future bloom into the "rest of my life". What are those things??? Well, gosh, there are only about 500 things!

Here are some of the things I really want to do.

1. Write. (But I need training and focus)
2. Learn. (I do this, but focus and a purpose would be good)
3. Become a psychologist/counselor. (but if I can't even figure out my own life!)
4. Start a charter school. (sounds utterly impossible)
5. Travel. (I can do this!!, but not if we have to pay for grad school or a more expensive house somewhere!)
6. Spin wool. (Doable, but I guarantee this will get old after awhile)
7. Throw pots. (Maybe doable, but only if I can get the clay on the center of the wheel)
8. Become a doctor. (Time! Expense! Huge investment of all of myself. Don't want to jeorpardize my family.)
9. Go back to Interior Design. (A real possibility. And enjoyable. Is there enought soul in this long term for me?)
10. Study Art History ( I love Art. I love it. I really love it so much.)
11. Become a Landscape Architect. (I'm drawn to this, but I don't know long term)
12. Design natural playscapes. (May lose interest in this as my kids grow older)
13. Have my own retail business. (would love this, but I am very, very scared of failing and ruining my family!)
14. Take my kids everywhere around the world and live untethered for much of their childhood. (totally, completely impractical.)

These are just a few. I'm totally in trouble. I'm 34, and I STILL don't know what I want to do after this! It stinks. This is exactly the way that I felt in high school. And even in college, I just kept switching back and forth until I settled on education. Partly because it was "all encompassing". I could inspire kids (hopefully) and learn everything. That's how I felt in school. I wanted to learn everything. I remember wrapping the big ideas up in my head and the ideas alone making me feel exhilarated.

And yet. And yet. I'm sort of living a Joe vs. the Volcano life. I don't mean my kids and family... NO! I want them to live an exciting life too!!! My goal is not to rid myself of them or my obligations to them. It's more like, I envision X for my family but we still keep doing the same thing.

The only thing we're really stuck in is Iowa. But I love Iowa! It's just there aren't any universities nearby that I could just go part time and still do my mom thing that I want to do. There are a few online things, but not too many. ISU has a doctorate in clinical psychology, but I've already commuted there for 3.5 years getting my undergrad, and that would take a HUGE chunk out of my time with my kids. And it just sounds super boring to commute again on the same road. I mean if I did go to ISU I would have driven something like 1000+ times on I-35. Blech. I still want to learn everything. My brain is getting irritable because it's not getting enough stimulation. It's like Facebook and learning on the internet is taking over because there isn't any focus that pursuing a degree or focus would give. So what to do??

I've taken Holland's Codes and other career tests. They keep saying the same thing. You have many interests and places that you would fit. Unfortunately, unless I want to get an MBA, a DO, JD, or maybe a master's in ed... I'm kind of stuck. Des Moines really doesn't offer much in the way of grad school. I don't want to just get a degree for the sake of a degree, though. Or learn for the sake of learning (but having to pay for it and then not really even sure you want it), like I did with law school. I want to be driven by passion for one thing. So far the only thing that has ever filled me with passion long term has been my family. Hence the hands on Mommy schtick. That's cool. I adore my kids and husband. But, duh! They aren't going to need the hands on Mommy schtick forever. And with an el ed degree... I don't particularly want to go back to teaching unless it's in a nontraditional school. I know I sound like a whiny baby, wanting life to be exciting and to match up with my priniciples and all. I mean, I've got a voice on my shoulder saying, "Suck it up! There are people hurting everywhere and you are looking for dreams and fulfillment?" SELFISH!

So what does that mean? I mean, how SELFISH is that to consider moving your family to a city where there is more to learn. I guess it's not completely selfish. There would be some major pluses.

Here are some:
1. We could move somewhere different. Yay!
2. New things in nature to discover.
3. Maybe rid ourselves of the winter blechs!
4. New vistas, new pursuits, new adventures!
5. We could move somewhere that would enable me to study some of the things I really want to study (but to narrow down would be challenging).
6. Noah could go to a new (hopefully awesome) school. THIS MIGHT BE HUGE!
7. I could still do the partime/fulltime homeschool thing until we decide it's not what we want.
8. We could move somewhere that has a lot of expertise in medical areas which might help Lucy and Noah.
9. Scott could get a new job.
10. My kids would have the benefit of having a mom that shows how to love life, seek adventure, new vistas, how to recreate a life, and how to make dreams and goals and DO THEM!

Here are the cons, and they are huge:
1. Leaving family.
2. Leaving disability services. Most states have huge waiting lists. Noah needs therapy, aides, and nursing care to have a good life. We can't afford this on our own. It's not doable.
3. Expense. This would be very, very expensive. Possibly jeopardizing our future. Since we will be caring for Noah into adulthood, we need to make sure we have enough money to do this. Worst case scenario (other than death of someone!!) is Scott, Noah, and I old, alone, and extremely poor because of stupid decisions we made! I am dreaming that the three of us will retire in a lovely, sunny, location and Noah will be safe and happy.
4. We do like Iowa. We like the weather (except for how long winter is), especially the summer. We like how close everything is. We like that Des Moines is slowly growing and how flexible Scott's job is. We like the autism services for Noah.
5. Noah's school situation might actually turn out to be worse. What if?

So here I am again. Maybe it just isn't the right time. Maybe I just dig in and keep doing what we're doing for another 5 years or so. And then decide. But I will be 39 then. That's going to narrow down the possibilities isn't it?? Maybe they are already narrowed!

2009-11-23T19:03:00.000-08:00

Why do I like old houses? They have character. I like preserving old things. I like history. They have good energy, at least this one does! But the problem is, old houses need so much repair and upkeep. At the same time, the same wooden floors have been in this house for 90 years. And yet, with a little help, they will look beautiful again, with built-in character. Still the choice becomes, do I sell this house to someone who has the money to care for it properly? Or do I stay here, live and love in this house, go all in and have less of a bottom line in the end?

When I first moved to Des Moines, there was a country church that I drove to when they were having a tag sale. We drove through a country road in the summer to get to it. It was green and luscious and the sky was absolutely huge that day. Today, that church is surrounded by urban sprawl. And yet, I GO to that urban sprawl all the time. I take my children there. We laugh and play, I have friends who live there. The little country lane made way for something I rebelled against initially. I don't know quite how I feel about it now.

We are living in our old house. The bathroom is 90 years old and is crumbling. It's possible that it's not entirely safe even! But still we want to preserve something that I suppose we feel has been lost today. There are very few homes built today that will be using the same materials in 90 years. The quality is just not there. Not only that, but trends seem to be the fashion now, changing every few years or so.

I love the simple lines of my home. Straight, solid, wood, plaster, lathe, solid brick. The oak is from Iowa oak savannahs in the early 1900's. It was built in an Iowa oak savannah and we have an old oak in the front of our house. Today, the fashion is open and modern with a great room for all of your activities. And "broken up" and "choppy" is what we think of with old houses sometimes. Doors to the kitchen are verboten, porches almost nonexistent, you don't find the simple earthy qualities in new homes.

I don't want the question to be about money, but doesn't almost every question that centers around our principles come back to money eventually?

Do I put money into a place that I love, knowing full well, it will need more and more and more over the years? Or do I move on to something new and fresh where all the work is done at least for awhile?

My house doesn't have a finished basement, a mud room, gosh, even a second bathroom. It has small closets and a laundry in the basement. It's old and creaky and someone even died here! But a family also bought this house, newly married, in the 40's and raised their family here until they had to move to a senior apartment. That's what I call good history. Grace, the woman who used to live here, has stopped by a few times. She was appalled that someone would have taken out the 1/2 bath off the kitchen (I have no idea what it was like... maybe it was a good idea, maybe not!). She told me how she would sit outside and sketch her flowers frequently. She and her husband were "green" back in the day and actually installed a giant dinosaur of a solar panel (funny our first house had one too) that only heated the water heater! They had insulation everywhere, even on the floor of the attic and solar shades on every window. When we moved in, we took all of it out. I wanted the old bones and the old draftiness (we like it cool and with lots of fresh air :). Down in the basement, there is a shelf on the wall that has George's name on it. We'll probably keep it there forever.

This house has witnessed birth, life, death, divorce, love, and more love.

Back in the day, THIS was the suburb, a green leafy neighborhood with a gorgeous park and gazebo, a golf course, gorgeous schools with stained glass windows and thick oak trim, hard plaster walls, and grand design.

I like the way it is today. We're a relatively diverse community, at least for Iowa. Everyone's friendly, but not overly so or in your business. The schools are nice, normal schools. Our kids still play outside as well as playing lots of techie games. I have something like 6 coffee shops within walking distance. And there is a big church that holds a service every year where everyone dresses like pilgrims!

The fact remains: It's expensive to own an old house unless you are very handy and are able to do pretty specialized repair work and utilize good quality materials yourself. You can't just take an old house and hack out parts of it and put up drywall and new trim. You just can't. People do, but that's so sad! This Old House drives me nuts, they AlWAYS gut the house. It should be called "This Old Footprint". Because half the time they even reframe it. Still at least they preserve that and don't tear down.

I think an old house should have scarred floors, woodwork with the patina of age, some cracks in the plaster, floors that a marble can have a lot of fun with, and some deep dark secrets.

Just like we value our older members of society, the people who gave us life and food and gave birth to our parents, we should value the homes they lived in and the stories those houses hold.

But in holding on to the past, I can't compromise my own future. That's where we are now. How much do you give to your ideals? I want to preserve an inner core of the Des Moines metro area. I care about that. I am sad to see towns that lose that. I care if people cut down old trees and use lawn chemicals that are causing the ruination of Greenwood Park. I care if somebody trashes a business on Ingersoll or puts up a hideous addition that ruins the character of their home. I care if there is green space. I care if we have a diversity of humans who live here. Do we have homes for wealthy and poor alike? Are we welcoming of all kinds of people, no matter their politics, religion and family structure? Do we have walkable neighborhoods, thriving local business, places to go that aren't only malls? What are our libraries like? Are our streets built to support the apocalypse (four lane, 55 miles per hour, plenty of room for fire trucks, tanks, whatever) or are our streets safe places where kids can play freely?

My husband walks to work sometimes. He walks all the way downtown from our house. He rides his bike there, he can ride the bus there, and he could also drive, of course. These old neighborhoods are incredibly practical in the long run. We only really need one car and that's all we have.

But every once in awhile, we get this longing to be "normal". Move to the burbs where my great friend lives, get a job and stop my career as a SAHM, buy a second car, ditch the trees with their endless leaf and seed droppings, have a finished basement and multiple bathrooms (with a jacuzzi! Oh the bliss!), and really nice, fancy schools. Like a lot of people in our neighborhood, we live here for convenience, for finances, but also on principle. Idealism for idealism's sake is painful eventually.

But every time I think it gets too painful, I realize how much I appreciate my neighbors who stake out a claim for the "old" and the "historic", the "walkable" and the "family centered". I appreciate that by living in this old neighborhood we are letting ourselves become intertwined with history. Is it really painful to be forced to have fewer possessions so we can fit it into our 1800 sq feet? Is it really painful to have one car and simplify the repairs and bills that would come from having two cars? Is it really painful to have solid plaster and old wood floors that are completely resilient to my children's play?

We're missing the "padding", but I get to live with wood. I like wood, even my pocked and stained old oak floors. I get to live with history. And I get to live with windows and light. And I like my life in this house. And somehow our new modular IKEA furniture finds a home in this old house along with all the other free and used furnishings I have picked up over the years.

Anyway, just thinking aloud today about old houses, and how it's so much a part of me than I sometimes think. It may be hard for me to stop living in an old house. I just love them so much!

2009-10-06T19:59:00.001-07:00

It's a good time in my life right now. I love so much being able to be at home and spend so much time with my kids and Scott. I am trying to be really open and not *grip* tightly to this time in my life, but I do have an awareness of this being a unique and precious time when the kids are small.

This week Lucy's imagination has just blossomed so much. She is always pretending to be someone or do something from being Thomas Jefferson to Peter Rabbit or a pirate. She imagines scenarios about Santa Claus. Today she piped up in the car, "Santa Claus is a good man!" She's feisty and bossy and sweet and caring all in one little two year old package. Andy cut her hair last week and Uncle Josh shaped it up for her, so she has a little pixie cut.

Tonight I went to a movie with Andy, the 3-D version of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. It was so fun for his age and he loved getting popcorn and real Coke. It was a really special time for us tonight. He and I have been playing a lot of Stratego and Nine Man Morris. He's getting really good with strategy and beats me about half of the time. Yes, I am losing to a 7 year old.

Noah woke me up today snuggling in my bed. It was so cute! He must have been a little cold. He is currently in a stage where he unravels the TP constantly so you can always tell when Noah has been in the room. He's getting ready for the Special Olympics bowling event, so that should be fun.

Scott and I are so lucky to have a lot of time to just play with the kids and enjoy them. I am so thankful.

2009-10-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

This week was a nice "typical" week of school for us. I thought I would try to summarize what we did.

Lucy:
Lucy listened to lots of stories, particularly wanting to hear ones by Beatrix Potter and about George Washington. She also watched lots of Dora and Kipper, which are her current favorites. She did all kinds of drawing and coloring and pretend play all week long. She plays all kinds of elaborate games with her dolls and stuffed animals. She loves asking me questions about butterflies, Thomas Jefferson, Monticello, George Washington, and squirrels. She is very curious and I love to hear the things she's interested in. She loves to sing to people and especially loves singing Twinkle Twinkle. She started music lessons and loves music of all kinds. She loves Sunday school. She's a sparkly little two year old.

Noah:
Noah had a great week. He is doing so well with eating. He had an appointment in Iowa City and was able to move up to the beginning of shaping chewing skills. We are working from square one for chewing, so this is quite the challenge we've got. But we are looking forward to it. He is also moving up to having some fork mashed foods instead of strictly purees. He's really working hard at bathroom skills too. He's been talking a lot and really enjoys taking little trips to the store and to church. School is becoming more of a routine for him and is something he really seems to enjoy. He's been working on writing and spelling his name. He also has been singing a Bob Marley song that I hadn't even heard before, so they must be working on it at school. I had to google the lyrics to find out that it was a Bob Marley song. Smouse has been a good transition for him.

Andy:
Homeschool started out the week with our Monarch hatching. Andy has his Climber patch for Sparks. We just finished up the story of Saint Ambrose in our church history book. In Language Arts he is becoming a super speller and loves to try to shock me with how much he knows. We've been working at writing neatly. He is a very good reader, and I enjoy hearing him read. We've been reading our Scholastic series from the Des Moines Public Schools. It's bright and colorful and has fun stories so that's been really fun for us. He's learning about capitalization, punctuation, homophones, and all kinds of phonetic rules. He's been working on a Spongebob mini graphic story and a Star Wars fan fiction play. I do the writing and he narrates, draws, and acts out the stories. We're finishing up Treasure Island and just started reading aloud Peter Pan as well as quite a few stories on early American history, which is the current favorite topic around here. Andy wanted to make a little early American corner so we hung up a copy of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and all kinds of Revolutionary War era currency, pictures of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and George Washington. We also made a little Betsy Ross area with a Betsy Ross flag and little pictures of her house. We learned how to properly fold the American flag and have been working on learning the "Star Spangled Banner". Andy learned about Jasper Johns at Studio Virtu and made a flag in the Jasper Johns style. He's also learning more about Van Gogh at Hubbell. He started Boy Scouts and we all went to a cookout. Andy did his first flag ceremony at Boy Scouts this week. One of his favorite subjects is the "Animal of the Day" time where he picks out an animal to study and we read about it. This week we studied hermit crabs and African desert foxes. In math he's working on his addition and subtraction facts, odd and even numbers, telling time to the half hour, reading a thermometer, and patterns. We've been searching out "living" math books and today we read Math for all Seasons. Today he was on his own measuring out how far his nerf gun could shoot using a tape measure. He's starting the tin whistle at music lessons. He loves playing computer games and has been researching Nerf hacks online because he'd like to tweak his Nerf gun to shoot farther. He took one Nerf gun apart, but it appeared to be more involved than he thought he could do right now, so he put it back together. He also has been building very detailed dioramas with Legos.

We've had fun socializing with family and friends this week, and life is really fun, relaxing for the most part, and full of new things all the time with the comfort and familiarity of old things.

So that's a typical week for the kids.

2009-09-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

Noah is eleven. I'm happy and I'm sad. I am more happy than sad, which is good, because at the beginning of his life sometimes I was more sad than happy. Usually, though, I just relished his cuteness and adorable antics and hugged him a lot. Well, I guess I do that now too.

I still have anger, sadness, grief, fear, and guilt that like to follow me around now and then, usually to point their fingers at me when I am in bed at night. Not so much anymore, but definitely sometimes. Even if I did nothing wrong, and Noah is Noah because of genetics, I still have found ways to blame myself for things.

I've lost a lot of sleep in the past!

Noah is such a great person. I'm so honored to be his mom and to know him. I so often feel ill equipped to be his mom, but he doesn't seem to mind. He likes to sit by me and pat me, and he says, "I love you, Mom," in his deep voice when I say, "I love you, Noah." That's huge for me, because there were years and years when he didn't really say anything at all. I've never quite known what to do as his mom other than just love him as he is without trying to change him constantly. Now, I know that if you parent like I did, it feels right in the moment, but brings guilt in the future. I'm always thinking, I should have sought this approach or that one, I should have pushed here for this, and I should never have messed with that.

Overall, though, when I examine my choices, I can't see how at the time, I could have done anything differently. I feel like my best parenting choices came about when I was just seeking to help him find his bliss. Those have also been my best memories, and the times I remember Noah being the most happy.

There were years, though, when the gravity of the situation was more than I could handle. I cried a lot and thought a lot about God and suffering and healing and faith. That's a big thing that led me to Orthdoxy. I wanted Noah to be baptized and a to be a full member of a congregation. I believe strongly that any congregation that is not "equal opportunity" for the disabled is not on the right path. I examined what it means to have the faith of a child, and the idea that only those with the proper intellectual knowledge should be baptized really bothers me now. Miracles? Mystery? How can anyone have the proper intellectual knowledge on those topics? If you believe in an infinite God, then isn't it a bit arrogant to think you know, KNOW the mysteries of how that all works out? Orthodoxy showed me a better way. A way, where in a sense we're all equals. I mean no one can fathom it. What's 100 IQ points or a few years, here or there going to matter? Orthodoxy showed me that the point is divine connection, a oneness with God. How can anyone say, Noah can't or doesn't have the real path to salvation or can't be baptized or take communion? So he's baptized now, and he takes communion, and I'm convinced he gets more out of church than anyone. There is a part of Orthodoxy that says, "Sanctify those who love the beauty of your house." That's Noah.

Other things I've learned from being Noah's parent are that things that steal your joy need to be thrown out. But I've learned that you can't always know right away what those things will be. For example, there was one person who worked with Noah once who I thought was a little crabby. I considered cancelling her services, and then she turned out to be wonderful. She would massage Noah's feet, she LOVED him. The "crabbiness" I saw was seriousness on her part, to do her job well. She ended up not being crabby at all. I've learned that a lot about people who work with Noah. I used to think that I could tell what people were like right away, I still can quite a bit, but people who work with Noah are usually a little stressed at first, so they need time to get to know him. Stress can be interpreted as meanness at first glance.

I've learned that idealism in parenting is to be avoided. At least the formulaic idealism that says, A+B= Perfection. Instead go for the relationship, the love, the core of life. I plan to retire with Noah and Scott. I want Andy and Lucy to feel loved and important and not in Noah's shadow. I want an authentic connection with each of them. That doesn't mean that I always remember what's important. I can tend to be a visionary, and when I try to impart my vision... well, sometimes the troops will have a mutiny. Mostly I just want each of my kids to have their own hopes and dreams that they are able to reach, like any mom, I guess.

Once Noah was born, I no longer cared WHAT he would become. I prayed that he would be able to laugh and cry, to love and be loved. I would like to add that now I dream for him, a life of kind people and beautiful days.

Andy came along and as we witnessed the dissolution of his family before our eyes, on his process to adoption, and another person was added to the family. My warrior Andy. He's protective and brave. He awakens a fierceness in me that I didn't know I had. I love that kid. I also worry what having a special needs brother is like. What is it like sharing a room with Noah? What is it like to go places with your brother who might be doing something a little embarrassing?

Lucy came along and brought everything full circle. This time, she was born with what Noah had. But because of Noah braving the path before her, getting brain damage all the while, she will live a non-disabled life. That's usually something I don't mention, but it's another reason why you don't mess with Noah. In my book, that's a little like kicking Mother Theresa.

Anyway, it's September. Almost 19th, and that wave of intense emotion is threatening to carry me away. Scott and I are a little more sober. There's a bit of grief, I'll admit when I think about the could have beens. I allow myself to go there about once a year. That's all I can handle, and maybe even more than what is right.

I think of how Noah could be a skateboarder, or obsessed with books, or just starting to play an instrument. I think of how I would love, LOVE to hear him tell me about his day. I always wanted him to eat a cheeseburger. He hasn't yet, but I know he will. I would love to see him shyly talk to a pretty girl in his class or say a verboten swear word.

Most of the time,almost ALL of the time, though, I'm thankful, that I won't ever have to stop being a mom. Selfishly, I'm glad that I have my shiny haired, lovable, Raffi singing, poet of the silence, wind and sun and ocean lover, who eats 20 pounds of yogurt a week Noah, lover of Bob Dylan and Dr. Seuss and dancing ribbons and parachutes, and ducks quacking. The older Noah gets, the less I think of the could have beens and the more I think of the, "I'm so glads!" It doesn't really matter what I think at all really, I want Noah to be happy with who HE is. And I think he is.

I spent literally years of my life, I'm sure pushing him on the swing singing songs to him. I've taken him to the top of the Eiffel Tower, to Disney World too many times to count, and to play in the surf and to hob nob with the marigolds. Sometimes I give him little lotion massages and tell him what an awesome person he is, how much I love him, how I want him to be happy first and foremost, and what does he think about Arizona for retirement? Of course he can't retire until he's worked for awhile, so I figure he'll volunteer as a professional dog petter at the Animal Rescue League. He LOVES dogs and fur!! He has had some happy days and we all have had happy times because of him.

I'm head over heels in love with that kid, my Noah bean. My almost eleven year old.

2009-09-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

Andy just did a practical joke. It was hilarious!! He said, while walking up to me, "Mom, phone for you." He handed me the phone, I took it, put it up to my ear and said, "Hello?" He then started singing Bananaphone! He had given me a banana, and I totally fell for it!!!!! It was so funny, I about fell over laughing.

Noah fell in love with the marigolds at Waterworks Park today. He just kept patting them and smelling them. He was laughing and smiling and so beautifully carefree and happy. Every time I would suggest he get up and try a new flower he would pull me down to sit by the marigolds. They were so beautiful and spongy. He really made me SEE them. I love how he makes me stop and smell the flowers. His teacher recently reminded me to get into NOAH'S world, instead of always trying to make him fit ours. At first it sort of hurt my feelings because I thought that he didn't know me very well, but then after thinking about it, I realized I hadn't been getting in Noah's world as much as I used to when I was homeschooling him. I've allowed myself to spend more time with the other kids and haven't spent as much time with Noah. So I've been making a point of trying to see the beauty of what Noah loves and trying to give him what he needs and helping him have his dreams and wishes everyday, if they are reasonable and good. I think his dreams might be to be happy every single day and to just take in beauty everywhere. I think he also wants closeness and peace. I also think that he wants me to read to him way more than I do and play the piano with him more. I love him so much.

Lucy is so fun! She currently has been carrying a cell phone, silver purse filled with sea shells, and some Miss Spider sunglasses all around. She's always shopping, or cooking, or taking care of her babies. She also has picked out all the convertibles to play with out of the car basket. She has GOOD TASTE!! One of my dreams is to have a large convertible we can all fit in some day. We've actually considered buying one for Noah when he graduates, since he's not really going to be a college kinda guy. Then we thought we'd have a rule that no one could drive it unless Noah was going along. That way, he'd get to go lots of places and with the sun on his face and the wind in his hair. Anyway, Lucy seems to be on board with this idea too.

Lucy is a talkative, sunny, cheerful, emotional, dramatic, spunky little girl. Today she told me she wanted to wear her rock star shirt. It's black, she told me. Well, I'm thinking she was talking about the Beatles shirt she had as a hand me down from Andy. But then she dug out a navy shirt that said, "Lil Firefly" with a jar and a firefly, and said, "Here's my rock star shirt!" I cracked up. She is always telling us stories about so many things. What the neighbor kids were doing, how the toy fairy is not her friend, how a bird came and ate our eggs (but she firmly told him NO NO BIRDIe, this is NOT YOUR HOME!)

Andy and I have been keeping a Monarch caterpillar, and it looks like we're going to make it to the Pupa stage.

Andy has started an art class at Hubbell Elementary as well as AWANA for the year, an art class at Studio Virtu, music lessons, choir, sunday school, and Greek school! Oh, and Boy Scouts! It's been fun to have so many things to go too.

Lucy started music lessons too. Noah is still doing equestrian therapy, but hasn't ridden the horse for months. He's currently just petting it for a half hour!! :)

2009-08-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

We had a vacation that couldn't have been any better. We saw Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, took a carriage ride through historic Philly, saw the Betsy Ross house, the Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington memorials all at night when they were glowing, a retirement ceremony at the NRO, saw lots of family, went to a party, ate out at a restaurant, the National Gallery of Art (hello, Hans Hoffman, Calder, Goldsworthy!!), had a personal tour of the Capitol, did all kinds of speculation over conspiracy theories, Mt. Vernon, the Outer Banks in NC, Roanoke, the Elizabethan Gardens, the BEACH for HOURS, went swimming a lot, went to Festival Park (a living history place), went to a beautiful estuary park and did trails galore, saw a lighthouse and more. The kids are so fun. I really could have lived on that vacation forever. I will post more, hopefully pictures and hopefully go more in depth beyond lists... we'll see.

Oh and MONTICELLO! It was beautiful and eye opening, actually everything was. Philadelphia reignited my patriotism. DC gave me perspective on that. And all the founding father study helped me see how they were just men, not gods, and America is what we make it. I mean Jefferson had so many slaves. The sheer number of slaves that he had made me see how I am glad to live today and that patriarchy is something I detest and slavery is so, so evil. He hated it too, yet he still engaged in the practice.

The founding fathers were just men... not gods. I'm feeling patriotic these days, but in a totally different way than before. Our principles should never get in the way of our compassion.

2009-04-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

The New Coloring Book

Not like the brazen artists of worldwide fame,
With spartan canvases touring from land to land;
Here at our well-loved art table shall stand
A little lady with a crayon, whose color
Is called "spring green", and her name
"Daughter of Scribble-philes". From her chubby hand
comes world size passion; her blue eyes command
That mother her artwork should frame.
"Keep, brand new crayons, your storied pomp!" cries she
With chattering lips. "Give me your tired, your broken,
Your crumbled colors yearning to draw free,
The wretched refuse of your ancient cigar box.
Send these, the homeless, forlorn crayons to me,
Even ones t'were stomped upon the floor!"

A silly poem by Me using Emma Lazarus' The New Colossus as a pattern

It's true, Lucy loves to color and she'll color with the tiniest pieces of crayon. She is a budding artist. She keeps them all neatly in piles and uses each one one time for each project, until she tires of that project. If the piles of used and not used get mixed within a session, she gets very frustrated. That gets complicated since I bought the "Special Edition! Biggest Crayola Crayon Set Ever!" See what I mean about her art? She's pretty serious about it! And then she takes it to the refrigerator completely skipping over the part where she shows me and I say, "Oooh, let's put it on the refrigerator!" She knows the drill well enough by now that she goes and hangs it up by herself. Since she doesn't really get magnets yet though, I usually have a little pile in front of the refrigerator.

2009-04-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

We have had a lot of fun times with friends and family lately. It's been awesome. I think it has something to do with the thaw. We had an unschooler skating party (thanks Heather), park play day, numerous play dates with the Smiths way out by Ogden, a hockey game (our friend gave us tickets, thanks John!... AWESOME SEATS... ROW E right next to the Chops bench!), a concert with my good childhood friend Amy and her sisters (flash back to the early 90's), holy days at church, a day at the prairie and time with Grandparents and Aunt Marie. I feel like we are getting into busy spring mode. It's been wonderful.

On Easter Andy had 7 friends over and they were having a pogo stick contest which was funny. He of course, rocks with over 400 jumps in a row! Remember when I was hoping he could do more than 10? He's also starting to skateboard and can already balance on it, turn (slowly), and propel himself which is more than I could ever do.

Little Lucy Beatrice has learned to talk. It's incredible how much she says. She's also learned how to call people "Dum dum" and "Buttface." She's found her voice, that's for sure. That's what you get when you have older siblings, I guess. She's such a fun, fun little girl. I feel such a friend with her. It's so incredible how that happened. I don't know if it's because she's the other female in the house, the baby, or just our personalities really click, but I see great things in our future! I'm planning a trip with Amy and Annika to the American Girl Place in Chicago for June. That is going to be a blast.

Noah still plugging away on the eating front, and doing well. He's going to be in the Special Olympics this Wednesday. Yay! I'm excited to see him. He's so great.

Scott has been doing lots of programming and is going to do some runs this year at Childserve and the half marathon.

I have been reading like crazy. I joined a new book club and have just been going nuts reading outside of that as well. I also started writing a book. Yes, I did. I am on Chapter 6. Think I'll finish it?

Homeschooling has been extremely rewarding for me lately. I think it has been for Andy as well (which is the point, right?) We're about halfway through Treasure Island, which is an awesome story... who knew? Apparently we've been duped by Long John Silver (so says Scott, who threw us a spoiler). I'm getting excited for next year, I found some amazing art sites and books that are going to be a blast. In fact, most of my budget is going to go for art supplies and science experiment supplies because that is what he wants to do the very most, and I can get the rest of the books free from the public school (I do pay my taxes too) and the library.

Anyway, all in all, good springtime. Now tomorrow, Lucy has a glucose sensor placement, so we need to hope and pray that she does NOT have to go on insulin yet. I would like to have a bit longer of a honeymoon period.

Well, the kids are having their 7:00 "brawl" where they all have sword fight dancing with Scott. They are currently listening to Indian (the country not the American Indian genre) dance music and just got done with U2. Then Andy will pick Radiohead for his next song as these are all his favorite bands and he picks for all the kids. Lucy likes everything, and if it were up to Noah it would just be Dylan.

So that's the Petersons in a nutshell... Peace out.

2009-04-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

Scott and I (separately) have been reading At the Corner of East and Now (By Frederica Mathewes Green), and I love some things I've found in there. I'll include a few quotes.

"Worship was always meant to be gloriously, delightfully beautiful. This was true even in the time of Moses; though his people were wandering the desert in tents, God commanded them to construct a tabernacle for worship that was staggeringly elaborate. The directions given in Exodus require gold, silver, precious stones, blue and purple cloth, embroidery, incense, bells, and anointing oil. The pattern continues in the visions of the prophets, where God appears in glorious settings. Isaiah sees him "high and lifted up," wearing a robe with a voluminous train, while soaring angels chant a hymn and the smoke of incense fills the temple (Isaiah 6). Daniel pictures the entrance of the Son of Man into the heavenly throne room of the Ancient of Days (Daniel 7:9-14). In the last book of the Bible, St. John has a vision of heavenly worship that includes precious stones, gold, thrones, crowns, white robes, crystal, and incense (Revelation 4). From the beginning to the end of Scripture, worship is accompanied with great beauty.

Beauty is not to become an end in itself; mere ceremonialism would be a circular exercise and ultimately dead. But when entered with expectant joy, nothing opens the heart to deeper worship like beauty. In his Confessions, St. Augustine wrote of the passage through beauty into passionate love for God.

'Late it was that I loved you, beauty so ancient and so new, late I loved you! And, look, you were within me and I was outside, and there I sought for you and in my ugliness I plunged into the beauties you had made. You were with me, and I was not with you. Those outer beauties kept me far from you, yet if they had not been in you they would not have existed at all.'

'You called, you cried out, you shattered my deafness; you flashed, you shone, you scattered my blindness; you breathed perfume, and I drew in my breath and I pant for you; I tasted, and I am hungry and thirsty; you touched me, and I burned for your peace.'"

2009-03-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

Cute story: Andy was reading aloud The Snowy Day for school today to Lucy and me. In it, the little boy tries to save a snowball in his pocket. Well, of course, that night before bed he checks and it's melted. Andy says, "He should have done what I did with my snowball." I asked, "What did you do?" He hops off my lap, runs into the kitchen and comes out with a frozen snowball that he had tucked in the freezer after a snowstorm! It was so funny! I had no idea he had saved a little snowball in the freezer. He put it back so he can try to save a little winter time until the hot summer.

Also cute: Lucy is so encouraging to Andy when he is reading and says all the time (really loud), "GOOD JOB, ANNY!"

Also really cute: As I mentioned on my Facebook status, Noah has been singing La Vie en Rose. Well, he's also been singing Little Boxes too. I love that he picks up things out of our days and says and/or sings them wherever he goes. It makes me happy to think that he's carrying a little bit of home with him throughout his day at school, therapy, and horseback riding. He's a great little guy, and not so little anymore. He's getting to be almost as tall as me. I can rest my chin on his head now. Of course, I am extremely short... so I guess that's not saying too much!

Anyway, more sunny days here at the Petersons.

Some wonderful gifts this spring:
1. I do NOT have MS! I didn't mention anything, but my doctor had been very concerned and had me get an MRI, and a visit to the MS specialist. When I was there, he wanted to do a few tests where they shock the muscles in my arms and legs and then also one where he listens (literally with a microphone) to the muscles as the contract or whatever they do. Anyway, I have a healthy brain and healthy nerves. I am so relieved.

2. Noah is continuing to eat by mouth. He now is eating part of his lunch (same ol same ol, yogurt, carrots and pediasure, but still) at school and eats a portion of each meal and a snack. Yay!

3. Lucy has made it to age 2 without needing insulin. Her A1C was high a couple of days ago, but we are going to try to get her to allow us to do a four day glucose sensor test. So that will give us good info to see if she needs a low dose of insulin.

4. Spring is here! Grass is green, birds are singing, a few crocuses are up. I am so excited!

5. And finally, I am thankful for this time with my kids. I can already see how watching them growing up will be a happy and sort of sad thing and everyday I see that they are still little and I am so glad. But then when they do something that shows that they are getting older, I feel glad too. So I am just trying to do that trite thing everybody always says... You know, "love with open heart and arms." The whole, love and let go... don't be grabby and try to hang on too tight stuff...

Scott teases me when I say stuff like that. Last week, I told him something almost identical and he said in a "60's doped out" voice, "Hey man, I'll do my thing, and you do yours, and someday if we get together... it will be beautiful." To which I then sucker punched him. (All in Christian love. And no, I didn't really punch him, it was a little tap, nothing more) So, I know it's cheesy. But I do love the cheese. Both trite sayings and actual cheese.

Love you all my peeps. And have a wonderful, wonderful day.

2009-03-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes on the positive living, confident thinking path, we run into "funky times" that challenge all that we think we know. I'll elaborate on that a bit. I love being a mom. I love homeschooling my kids. I love my husband. I love Orthodox Christianity, but really consider myself a Christian, or even more broadly a woman living the age old story of human seeking God and a connection with God. And I like that journey. It feeds my soul, and helps me grow. I believe we are all humans and make mistakes. Sometimes I yell at my kids. Yep. I do. Sometimes I am not grateful like a should be (and I SHOULD BE!). Sometimes, I even find myself complaining about the good things in my life. I think to forgive myself and live at peace with my faults and build the relationships with my kids and husband are so important.

I think it's all part of being human.

So how does one remain positive, upbeat, joyful, grateful in the midst of sad or difficult circumstances. We can't! I don't even really think that's normal if we are joyously happy when horrible things are happening. That's when we ride it out. Let the pain, the anger, the sadness, all of it wash over you. Really FEEL it. And then pick up from there. There is a difference between being crushed and being in despair. Being crushed leaves room for hope, change, growth. Being in despair says that those things aren't possible.

We're happy here, but that doesn't mean it's perfect or that we think it's perfect or that there is no room for growth or even that we WANT people to think it's perfect. I want to mark the EVENTS of my life with honesty but a positive spin. I think it's tempting in blogging to paint life in the best way possible and to judge others who are "real". Heck, don't we sometimes do that in real life too?

I'd like to suggest a new way of reading blogs. (I'm including myself here). Let's take off the judgmental glasses, the ones that are hoping people have hard lives (harder than our own). Let's put on the open minded glasses that allow people to truly live in diverse circumstances. Let's take off the shoulds and do away with the boxes to put ourselves or others in, and let's stand in awe of the rainbow we humans make.

I was in a pretty controlling, idealistic religious group for about 8 years. One of the many foolish things they taught was to "control your emotions", to keep your emotions in check, to sublimate grieving and sorrow and to "just be thankful". I believe that to be an incredibly insensitive and awful teaching today. I'm shocked that I ever listened to that or felt guilty for feeling emotions. We aren't robots. I'm pretty sure that if God exists and made us, he's pretty okay with us being actual humans with actual human emotions. If you are still a member of this group, I hope that you can be a light to others within and make sure people know that it's okay to be sad, to grieve, to be angry, to be happy, to feel the spectrum of emotion. That's all part of being human. I love it.

2009-02-18T14:40:00.000-08:00

Highlights of 2009 so far have been:

Getting my prairie pictures up in the living room! Finally. It has added a touch of color and spring. I love them.

Homeschooling Andy, and doing baby "school" with Lucy. She wanted to do some school too, so I got out a butterfly matching activity, a Mother Goose book and If Kisses Were Colors. We've been doing that every day... she likes the repetition. I'll probably change it up in a week or so, but she really likes it! Andy has really taken off in reading. He still doesn't like to read on his own, but he's a great reader. I'm always amazed at what he can read. We've been enjoying reading Paddle to the Sea and our Bible story book. The kids want Bible stories a lot. I let them have only one each day, because I want the book to be special! We've just reached Barak and Deborah. We've started a new time every day right after math called "Dangerous Time." We've been doing it since the New Year. Basically we do an activity from the Dangerous Book for Boys or a related activity. We've made tons of paper airplanes during that time. It's been really fun!

Next Monday, I am going to take a three week hiatus from school (this will be really hard for me because I LOVE homeschooling. I may still do some things in the evening) while I commute four hours a day (2 there 2 back!!!!) to Iowa City with Noah for an intense daily feeding clinic. Initially I was going to stay at the Ronald McDonald House and had tons of activities planned, but then I thought about how nice it would be to see Scott every night and let Noah sleep in his own bed. So instead I am going to dip into my tiny mad money stash and buy Noah a DVD player, rent some DVDs and get some books on tape for me, and commute daily. Now lets see if I can pass the outlet mall twice a day without spending the rest of my tiny bit of mad money. That's 30 trips past the outlet mall folks. That could be expensive! Also I will fully equip myself with a latte for the drive each way! I'll have to be really organized though because I want to keep up with Noah's strict feeding and toileting schedule on the road. I want to keep all of Noah's skills that he's worked (and we've worked) on all these years!

Let's see, what else. Lucy has been cooking up a storm in her pretend kitchen. Today she made a recipe of chocolate, milk and coffee. Oh baby! That is so my kind of recipe. She's such a great little girl. She is talking so much. Right now she's feeding a pretend monster tacos. Cute!

Andy has been having fun with playing the Wii. He loves the sports games and he and his friends play Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party 2. I love it too! He likes it when I give him little problems to solve like this: Take this ball and this bell. Rig up a little chain reaction that will make the ball ring the bell every time. Or maybe something like this: You have a giraffe that you need to care for... design a little house for him that will keep him happy and protected. Or design a town out of Legos. He loves "challenges" and memorized Psalm 23 this year!

Noah is loving school, but will be headed to a different school next fall. I am determined to be positive about it! It will be a good change, and I know it will work out great! He's playing his drum upstairs right now, and making me feel very smiley. I love that kid!

Scott and I have had a great New Year so far and are having fun planning the rest of the year! So that's where we are right now... busy, but relaxed, and enjoying life.

Hey this is a little like the Christmas letter I never finished! So... if you read my blog, Merry Christmas 2008... two months late!! Ha ha. Two birds with one stone, eh?

2009-01-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated for a long time! I just wanted to say how happy life has been lately. Even with sickness, we've been really enjoying life. I think a lot of the change can be attributed to a few changes we've made over the last year or so. Here they are:

1. We've begun leading our lives instead of listening to how other people think we should live our lives!
2. We've simplified our home. That has helped immensely. Just having less things to tend has been a life changer. We've simplified more drastically this year than ever before. Buying new inexpensive furniture and painting and bleaching everything white has helped with the "visual" clutter and in the winter reflects light. Oh how I love light. I read that in Sweden white is really popular because of the shortened days through the winter... and I thought, "Hey, why not?"
3. I've been following the Charlotte Mason approach to homeschooling which emphasizes a peaceful, close relationship with your child, good habits, and an exciting selection of things to read. Love it!
4. We've been consistent with getting away, keeping up date night, and planning vacations and fun activities (thanks Christen and Marie and Lenna... you girls are so wonderful!)
5. I've focused on attaching and bonding with my kids instead of trying to make them perfect. That makes such a difference. Now, when there is any kind of discipline problem we start with the heart connection FIRST. It makes it less distressing for all of us.
6. Our church is a free place to be yourself and worship God. I appreciate that. Just be yourself. How lovely!
7. We've tried to be consistent with having a weekly play time with other kids whether it's the unschoolers or other homeschooling friends. What a great addition that has been! Great friends for us all. I'm so thankful for free and easy people.
8. Keeping in contact with family has been great. I feel a sense of rootedness in time and place.

I'm sure there are other things that have helped us have a happier year, but for these that I can think of... I am so thankful.

Love to everyone!

2009-01-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a new show (well old really, but new to you if you've never seen it)watch "1940's House." It is SO GOOD! It is much better than any other period house reenactment show. These people are AWESOME, and take the whole project seriously while being very cheerful and happy. You should watch it! Netflix has it!

2008-09-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

A beautiful friend of mine who has been a friend of mine forever (since we were in our mamas' tummies) wrote this. It's great!

Sarah's Post on The Invisible Woman

2008-09-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Wow. I don't know what to think now.

2008-09-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

A fantastic article, Read it!

2008-08-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

I could not be more thrilled with McCain's choice for VP. I was pretty sure I was going to vote for Obama after my first choice (oh ugh) Edwards lost. In the past I have ALWAYS ALWAYS voted Republican for President. Then Obama just started really irking me with his callousness towards abortion. And, as the mother of a child with disability, I am really scared of the slippery slope of abortion to infanticide to euthanasia. I disagree wholeheartedly with abortion, but I am pretty sure that no one can do anything about it now. My view is that it has been a little bone to throw at Christians to keep them in the Republican Party while doing other morally evil things. The Democrats came along and threw in their bone for Christians encouraging adoption (hey it's a first step), but then they said that they unequivocally support the choice for abortion. Then Obama had his speech the other day, and really while I was really, really excited for this moment in history AND I have to admit, he'll probably do a fair if not good job as president... there was something so cold and callous in the way he talked about abortion at the end... as though it were a mere difference in opinion that grown up adults could make peace over.

Really, as a constitutional scholar, he should know that Roe v. Wade is not good law. Really, it needs to be overturned and given to each state so that each state can decide for itself. At that point, if every state in America wants to legalize it... at least that is more constitutionally sound and is more in line with the framer's intent. There would also be a great chance that it would be outlawed in at least a few states, with major changes in others (only in the first trimester, parental consent, informed consent, no partial birth, etc). But it scares me that while a MAJORITY of registered Democrats do not believe in the free access to abortion that we have today, 75% of DNC attendees/members DO. This is not a fair representation and is a slap in the face to many traditional supporters of the Democratic Party (I'm thinking certain Catholic and conservative liberals or liberal conservatives).

Then along comes McCain. Well, he's anti abortion, but only moderately so it seems sometimes. He's getting a disability pension, a senate salary, and a social security pension... all while being a multi-millionaire. If there were ever a case for giving back tax payer dollars for money you simply don't need... he would be a perfect personal case for it. But you know? It isn't all about money to me. In fact it isn't at all about money for me. This isn't about my piece of the pie or more money in my pocket or more disability services or more money for schools or tax breaks.

This isn't about who loves God more, who will make the economy soar, who's going to save the owls or the whales or the lions or the deserts.

When I saw Palin was selected, I couldn't have been happier. Why? For one very simple reason. She knew she was going to have a child with Down's Syndrome... and she didn't abort her precious son. She kept him, and carries him proudly with her all over every where. This is real disability awareness, acceptance, and appreciation. McCain has impressed me with his daughter whom he adopted from Mother Theresa's orphanage in Calcutta.

You cannot argue with the fact that they are truly, personally compassionate people. This says more than lipservice about how our COUNTRY should be more compassionate. They really ARE compassionate.

And I do care about the owls, and the polar bears, and the other creatures hurt by our horrible environmental atrocities. I just cannot, no matter how hard I try to make peace with it all, overlook this human rights issue. I can't.

So here I am, right back where I started. It's a one issue vote for me again.

Democrats need to get smarter on this issue! They would win by a LANDSLIDE if they would simply address abortion with more intelligence, open mindedness, and morality. On the same note, if Republicans would get out of bed with corporations and warmongers, they too would win by a landslide.

In the words of some of the most brilliant pro-life feminists that we've seen (Thanks to Feminists for Life for gathering these together):

Susan B. Anthony

"Guilty? Yes. No matter what the motive, love of ease, or a desire to save from suffering the unborn innocent, the woman is awfully guilty who commits the deed. It will burden her conscience in life, it will burden her soul in death; But oh, thrice guilty is he who drove her to the desperation which impelled her to the crime!"

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

"When we consider that women are treated as property, it is degrading to women that we should treat our children as property to be disposed of as we see fit."
Letter to Julia Ward Howe, October 16, 1873, recorded in Howe's diary at Harvard University Library

"There must be a remedy even for such a crying evil as this. But where shall it be found, at least where begin, if not in the complete enfranchisement and elevation of women?"
The Revolution, 1(10):146-7 March 12, 1868

Emma Goldman

"The custom of procuring abortions has reached such appalling proportions in America as to be beyond belief...So great is the misery of the working classes that seventeen abortions are committed in every one hundred pregnancies."
Mother Earth, 1911

Mattie Brinkerhoff

"When a man steals to satisfy hunger, we may safely conclude that there is something wrong in society - so when a woman destroys the life of her unborn child, it is an evidence that either by education or circumstances she has been greatly wronged."
The Revolution, 4(9):138-9 September 2, 1869

Victoria Woodhull
The first female presidential candidate was a strong opponent of abortion.

"The rights of children as individuals begin while yet they remain the foetus."
Woodhull's and Claflin's Weekly 2(6):4 December 24, 1870

"Every woman knows that if she were free, she would never bear an unwished-for child, nor think of murdering one before its birth."
Wheeling, West Virginia Evening Standard, November 17, 1875

Sarah Norton

"Child murderers practice their profession without let or hindrance, and open infant butcheries unquestioned...Is there no remedy for all this ante-natal child murder?...Perhaps there will come a time when...an unmarried mother will not be despised because of her motherhood...and when the right of the unborn to be born will not be denied or interfered with."
Woodhull's and Claffin's Weekly, November 19, 1870

And then don't even get me started on the eugenic legacy that Margaret Sanger left. And no, it's not made up! It's written down in her OWN words! Look it up. The fact that Planned Parenthood (which could be AWESOME, if it weren't for abortions!) was started by Sanger is terrifying.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Does anyone have any words for me? Try to convince me otherwise. I really want to hear the arguments. Now whenever I've opened up for arguments in the past, someone usually comes along and just slams what I'm saying without proof or without respect. Keep it civil please.

2008-08-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

So we're planning on going to Disney again this spring. We actually have our condo reserved and everything. However, there is a chance that we might go out west instead. So basically here are our choices we're mulling over:

1. Disney on-site
2. Disney off-site in the condo we've reserved
3. A huge three week road trip Peterson extravaganza with camping, hiking, city discovering... The Badlands again, Montana, Rachel in Spokane, Joe in Seattle, Marlene in Portland, the Redwoods, and San Fran, then up through the Canyonlands... oh and maybe fit Yellowstone in there somewhere.

So we're debating the pros and cons of all these choices

But I DID discover one interesting thing as I was washing my face this morning getting ready for church. I used to buy Pro Activ for my face. The charge was close to 40 bucks a month or something ridiculous. Well... I have been using the H2O (also usually expensive, but smells wonderful) bath products I got back in MARCH from staying onsite at Disney. I figure I have a YEAR'S worth of facial products for a savings of $480, I saved at least $24 dollars in shampoo (they give you a lot), conditioner, and lotion. So staying onsite at Disney when you are a cheapskate and hide your soaps every day so they give you new ones, can save you up to $504 (obvs. it will change for you depending on how cheapskatey you are... after all you may be SO cheap as my husband is that you buy the absolute cheapest shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and use nothing for facial soap, in which case you are paying through the nose to stay at Disney, reflected in the gargantuan price on the receipt, yikes). I'm just saying... if you like expensive bath products and stay at Disney for a week, three of those days are free ($170 a night is the figure I'm using per night). Wow! Staying onsite at Disney is a BARGAIN when you look at it like that!

And that concludes another round of voodoo economics (or shall I say, magical fairy tale economics) with Holly! Glad to be of service!

2008-08-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ack. Change of subject. Change of subject. So how about those Cubs? Are they still playing? I guess they probably are since I remember that the World Series or the qualification thingy for the World Series was happening in September when Noah was born in 1998... Is that still true?

Oh, I know... the weather... it's hot isn't it? So hot. Wow. It's pretty warm.

And did you see that there is a sale at Younkers? A really good one.

And I have a few tomatoes and lots of zinnias and lots of herbs.

Ummmmm.......

Anyone have any good recipes?

2008-07-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

So if you know me, you know that I came from a very religious family. My parents gave me a great foundation of a good education, Bible memory, church attendance, and a reasonably healthy progression to making my own choices as an adult.

We've talked a lot about the good and bad things about our spiritual past, and one of the issues we've (my parents, Scott, and I and other friends and family) discussed is the danger of religious extremism. Now, I'm pretty pro-Christianity. I aim to teach my kids the foundations of Christianity including the history of the Church, scripture memory, the practices of the church, Greek, Bible stories, and the lives of the saints. So... to a lot of people, I'm extreme, idealistic, and fringe.

But, I want to explore the ideas of *my* view of religious extremism and how I think it ruins lives, relationships, and childhoods. I believe in a moral upbringing that does not entail "weirdness," abuse, sad memories, regrets, and isolation.

That's my aim as a parent. I wish to remain idealistic and with high aims and goals, but I wish to do it in such a way that I love God and people more than myself or my ideas. So that's what I want to begin exploring. If anyone who reads this (all two of you, God bless you!) has any input on topics to discuss... I would love to hear it. I want to give some examples of people that I feel are balanced and some people that seem to be a little off balance.

Some topics I want to explore are homeschooling, patriarchy, church, friendships, video games, tv, cults, and Christian culture. I'm not pretending to have answers. This is something I want to study to improve my parenting, my relationships, and my own spiritual practices.

2008-06-08T11:02:00.001-07:00

People can be really beautiful. This story will make you cry!

A dying wish

2008-05-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

If I ever have to go to prison, I can only hope that the recreational coordinator is as brilliant as the one at this prison!

Redemption through disco!

2008-04-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

I think CPS is overreaching with the FLDS people. I've thought it from the beginning, and I think it now. If I had been CPS in Texas, I would have done these things BEFORE I came in and took babies from their mothers:

1. Send a notice to every person on the YFZ ranch stating WHAT the law is, as it stands. Give the state and federal laws that may apply to them- spanking or physical abuse laws, bigamy laws, and marriage statutes. Tell the people WHAT the consequences of violations are, and that they will be enforced.

2. Then have a "town meeting" with the local sheriff, townspeople, and CPS workers.

3. Investigate each situation completely, and do the DNA testing ON the ranch or as a day trip. Coordinate the DNA tests with photos, family photos and genealogy trees and Ranch records.

4. Then, and only then, take the children who are still in unsuitable homes.

Don't get me wrong... I am TOTALLY against forced marriage of underage girls. I think in no uncertain terms the underage marriages needs to stop. I think they should enforce the laws, even bigamy. But to go in and take ALL the children when so few were products of underage marriages is ridiculous. That's like taking all the kids in Littleton, Colorado to foster care because a few parents produced mass murderers.

The FLDS is strange, but this seems excessive. I feel so sorry for the kids.

CPS has WAY too much power in America (or at least in some states)... When it comes to CPS a lot of constitutional rights do NOT apply. The laws are pretty invasive and the case loads of workers is insane. The goal is to protect children, but honestly there are SO many American children that are worse off than these kids it's pathetic.

If someone calls your home a "compound," watch out because your constitutional rights are about to go down the tubes!

Video of FLDS Parents

Honestly, who knows what to believe in this situation. But doesn't it seem like the FLDS are an easy target?

2008-04-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

I thought people might be interested in knowing about other polygamists in America. I am blown away with how "normal" some of these people are! I still feel sorry for the kids though because how could you be as close to your dad this way. Anyway, enjoy the link...

This is SO interesting! Oh and keep a look out for the drinking fountain in the kitchen! That's a pretty good idea actually... it would cut down on dishes!

Plural Family in Salt Lake City

2008-04-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

I just had to post that Lucy is officially walking now. She is so cute! She pushes a little hippo that I bought her at a yard sale last summer... it's fun to see her finally use it.

Andy had his first t-ball game and hit the longest drive (is that what they call it in t-ball?) of the team! He's really into hitting things hard, so t-ball's great for him.

Noah is so cute and yesterday came up to me and matter of factly stated, "You might like going in a Zumble-zay." This was his adorable way of asking me to read Marvin K. Mooney to him.

So our house is COMPLETELY torn up... we've got 12 different paint samples on the walls, things in storage boxes, furniture pushed aside... it is a complete and total mess. Because we are starting the process of spring cleaning and redecorating/freshening things up. We've not done this for *a while* so it's *pressing*.

It's fun to think about. I'm going totally cheap these days... I'm planning on buying an Ikea Ektorp sofa, loveseat, and chair (don't know which pattern yet). I am also buying an armoire (for a homeschool nook) and painting a bunch of our existing furniture. We're going to make Noah a little learning area, sensory area, and playroom out of our *primitive* basement! And then Lucy will have her own room, but that won't be until summer. I still like having her with us, and really she's not having it any other way right now... oops! So we're repainting the living room, dining room, kitchen, and stairs/hall area. The other rooms upstairs might get refreshed, but that's not until later. Then it's deep cleaning, organizing and steam cleaning all the furniture and carpets. I might even try to clean the outsides of these ridiculously difficult to clean old windows... we'll see.

So, we'll be busy!

I'm giving myself a deadline of a month because we'll be having lots of company over Memorial Day! I'd like to sit back and enjoy it.

2008-04-16T18:56:00.001-07:00

No comment

2008-04-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

I found an answer about the Creation/Evolution debate in Orthodox terms. This is what I believe too... and I didn't have to go and write it all... I can just Cut and Paste!

The Holy Orthodox Church teaches that the Old Testament's purpose is NOT to record literal history, but to explain the relationship of God and man. What is critical to our Faith is in the Creed and all it says about Creation is that God the Father is the Creator of Heaven and Earth, and of all things visible and invisible and that He did so through His Son, Christ Jesus. It does not say, nor does it require us to know HOW God created, but simply to know that God created.

All this controversy has arisen in relatively recent times because of the Protestant concept of Sola Scriptura. When they discarded the wisdom of Holy Tradition, all they were left with was the Bible itself and this creates a certain logical dilemma: with nothing concrete to guide you, how do you know what is literal and which is not, unless you treat it ALL as literal? Orthodoxy, happily, does not have that problem to contend with. We can freely accept the Old Testament as largely allegorical or even "legend" in the sense as expressed by the noted Anglican theologian G. K. Chesterton who wrote: "A legend as a matter of fact ought to be treated more respectfully than a book of history. The legend is generally made by the majority in the village who are sane. The history book is generally written by the one man in the village who is mad."

Holy Scripture is not a history book, it is so much more than that. As the Holy Apostle Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:15-17 "and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."

Not a word about "history" is there? Even if Holy Scripture is NOT a history book, doesn't it accomplish the above anyway?

I used to be concerned about this too, for the very reasons you state, but time and patience has allowed me to see what the Church seems to say: don't get too worked up over the things that things are NOT critical to salvation, work on the things that are.

Your servant,
Herman

Here's a follow up answer too. I'm not sure I think that ALL young earth creationists think the way Herman thinks they might... but I think many do.

It looks like you are probably better read on the topic than I am. I am not sure how much more I can add to the subject, other than to say that the debate is not really about "evolution" per se, but about God, because the "young earth" people have managed to allow "scienceism" the philosophical high ground. The atheists have been allowed to reduce the terms of the debate to: "if there is evolution there can be no God, if there is God, there can be no evolution". We have attempted to place God into a box, which you and I know is impossible. Since the terms of the debate are flawed, then the debate itself is flawed. Orthodoxy teaches that this is NOT about God against science, it is about science trying to explain something that it has no business doing. God created science but is outside Creation. Math is the language with which God wrote the Universe. His Will is what makes the physical laws of science constant. Science is fine and dandy at explaining Creation, but that which is Uncreated is beyond the ability for the scientific method to explain or prove. How do we measure God? Science can explain the relationships in a closed ecosphere, but it cannot explain the relationship between man and God. The Bible is not a science or history textbook, it is a textbook about relationships, how man was created in God's image and likeness, but turned away, and how God works through His Creation to call all of it back unto Himself. It is not about HOW we got here, it is about WHY we are where we are and HOW we get BACK to where we need to be. To paraphrase our Lord's words: "Render unto science that which belongs to science, and render unto God, that which belongs to God." As for me, I do not believe that Holy Scripture is a literal documentary of exactly what happened, nor is that it's purpose. I also do not believe that evolution answers all the questions of how we got here in a satisfactory manner. When you try to use something for a purpose it was not meant for, there are problems. The followers of scientism, in my mind, show a much greater "faith" in things unseen by believing that they do NOT exist (and evidently do not exist until they are "discovered") than those of us who prefer to withhold judgement until more evidence is put forward. Who then, has the open mind? Those who refuse to believe anything until it is "proven," or those who accept that things can exist even if we are not aware of them, and that Something can exist outside of Creation?

Sad point of fact for the atheist evolutionists; in their zeal to "believe" in evolution, which is, to point a fact, unproven, they create a more rigid dogma and embark on a greater Inquisition than Torquemada ever dreamed of. They manufacture "facts" and "proofs" at will to justify themselves and to "disprove" God, which makes them no more than modern-day Adams, trying to be BE God. But I suspect I am beginning to ramble.

Your rambling servant,
Herman

I think that this topic alludes to a greater one written about in the current issue of Touchstone. I can't find an online copy of it, but when I do I'll post the link.

Anyway, the article talks about how when we teach our children the infallibility of a church or denomination or set of beliefs... when they grow up and find flaws (as they inevitably will) they will throw it all away. So my goal as a parent (we'll see if I can accomplish this) is to continually point everything back to God. Theology is our best attempt (and I believe often supernaturally driven) to explain the point of the human existence. And generally the older the doctrine is, the longer we've had time to clarify it and throw it out if the churches and councils do not accept it as truth. So new doctrines or interpretations or clarifications take time to become part of the collection of doctrine that we deem to be "truth." It's a huge mistake to teach our children to accept without question our faith. The questions are very important! These questions help children to grow up and make faith their own. It is NEVER wrong for a child or adult to question things. I think it's important even that we question authority over us. I think for too long, I made the mistake of feeling like I needed to accept EVERYTHING an authority over me thought and taught. This is simply not true. And I don't think we should test things simply with scripture as many different interpretations can arise, and it becomes impossible to distinguish people led by the Holy Spirit or people led by their intellect. It also turns us all into judgmental characters forever examining people by their fruit!

And we should NEVER EVER make the mistake of looking to other Christians to prove the authenticity of our own faith... because you know what? They could be acting. And there are some pretty good actors out there!

Anyway, just a thought this morning I had... guess I'd better go prepare for the day! Gotta start school at 9:00! There are so many other people who know so much more than I do on this subject, it seems silly for me even to write my little blog/journal entry about it. But for any of my friends and family who worry or wonder about me... this is my belief system.

2008-04-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Okay... it disturbs me that students in schools do not have the same constitutional right of no unreasonable searches or seizures. The drug they were looking for when they strip-searched her was prescription Ibuprofen. They found nothing on her body.

The search happened because another student reported her. It would be SO easy for kids to lie!

This really scares me. At the very least, they should seek parental permission first!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/24008841#23981699

2008-03-24T19:50:00.001-07:00

I have been tagged (unless it's another Holly... which is entirely possible... but I think it's me!) by my friend Linda for a game of ten things you might not know about me. So here they are!

1. None of my 3 kids came to me the normal way... two were by C-section via NICU and pancreatectomies and one came via adoption!

2. I love I mean I LOVE watching Monk. I can watch the same episodes again and again. I can also do the same thing with Keeping Up Appearances, but Monk is better. I find the shows extremely relaxing.

3. I am fascinated with people who live differently than me... cults, nudists, people with extreme body modifications and body art, communes, celebrities, people of other religions, people who eat bugs, Hutterites and the Amish, criminals, prisoners, and people from interesting places.

4. I have been trying to lose weight since I was 8.

5. My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip.

6. I have run a marathon and walked a marathon.

7. My favorite place in the world is the Trevi Fountain in Rome, Italy.

8. I have furniture with holes in it... but I take nice vacations. Perhaps my priorities are skewed, but I like to think that my kids and husband are only young once and I'd rather play with them than have nice furniture... course if I could have both... I would! Early in our marriage Scott and I decided that we never wanted to say,
"I wish that I had done _________________ but instead I bought a couch!"

9. I am really good at spinning things and reframing them. In other words, I am the ultimate "make lemonade out of lemons" girl. But I have my moments when I think... wait a minute... do I REALLY have lemonade... or have I fooled even myself and I'm sitting here with a big pile of rotten lemons?

10. I love to read. I could read until I turned into a pile of blubbery fat sitting on a chair without enough muscles to prop my body up. Thanks goodness I have kids and a husband to keep me from doing this.

I tag everyone who reads this post! Please post and let me know if you did it or not!

2008-03-06T16:26:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness... Now that was just embarrassing! Ack. It's amazing how fast the house can go from good to bad... And yes, I bought McDonald's for lunch. Ack. Double Ack.

2008-03-06T16:23:00.000-08:00

2008-02-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

I just want to update my tiny miracles blog.

1. Noah has sat at the table for at LEAST five minutes every time we had dinner together which was every day but Wedesday! And we didn't have to fight him. Not even a little bit. He sat and smiled and was a part of the family and the evening. It was wonderful.

2. Noah drank a little water this week and played with licorice so that was good. I'd like to see more... but this is the TINY miracles edition... and I'll take it!

3. Noah has used speech quite a bit this week. I can't remember any unprompted speech this week, but he's been very responsive to me working with him.

4. Noah went two days without acting out towards anybody. But he did have one episode yesterday. Today was another good day.

5. Noah has not had any days with more than two tantrums this week!!! In face today he only had one mild one that I was able to get him out of right away.

6. I have been able to get to sleep by 12:30 every night this week! So that's really great!

7. Lucy hasn't been taking afternoon naps, but Grandma Deanna has been helping me out so I can actually work with Noah again and get school in. I was not able to do that before. And I just have to say what a wonderful relief and pleasure it is to spend so much time with him. He's been working with me wonderfully at the table and has just been a little sweetheart. I love to be able to work with him and when I do, he is so much happier. I think he actually misses doing table work! He loves to have me hold his hand and trace things and read him stories. Whenever it's table work time I turn on the Curious George soundtrack by Jack Johnson and it so pleasant. We just sit side by side and quietly do little lessons like matching blocks and tracing, writing lines and circles on his little mini slate (just like Laura Ingalls), matching the letters of his name, matching butterflies, singing and playing with playdough.

8. Andy has not gotten to 12 yet... but he will!

Overall, this week has been much better than last week. And even though Noah is not going to be able to attend our neighborhood school, I KNOW that he is capable of great growth and maturity in his life. I feel better to know that his abilities are still there and it has reaffirmed to me the need for better training and communication at school. And I am going to make sure that I keep homeschooling him in the afternoons. I can't let myself NOT ask for help! I get to where I feel very proud and I don't want to feel like a charity case, but it's not good for Noah for Scott and I to try to do it by ourselves. He gets lost in the cracks.

Thanks God for the great week and thanks to my small readership for your prayers. I really am feeling peace tonight.

2008-02-11T11:28:00.001-08:00

Update on Project Prayer: Small Miracles Edition

1. Noah had a good day at school.
2. I have one new community resource.

That's it so far. Maybe they will all happen in one week. Just keep praying for small miracles.

2008-02-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

Warning: More SAD stuff about Noah. Don't read if you are going to be depressed.

I have already learned about myself that I am the kind of person known as "Highly Sensitive." This does not refer to how kindly I treat people, but instead to how emotionally connected I am to everything that happens to me. So I take things a bit harder than others, maybe get a little more excited about things than others, and generally have more emotional swings.

Today I realized that being a mother for me is actually pretty painful because of all the crazy emotions motherhood is bringing to me. For example, Noah is probably going to have to leave the school that he has been in now for three months. We figured it would happen from the beginning, but now we know for sure. So obviously that's sad. It's sad that he is disabled and destructive and that he cries and hurts himself. But the thing is: It's not just sad to me. It is devastating. So two nights ago I couldn't sleep until 4:30 in the morning. I hadn't had caffeine. I just lay there in bed feeling the knot of stress over my heart that will not let go.

When I think of it all. It really, really stresses me out. But it's like a hyper-stress too! It's not just stress, it's hyper-stress. And it's mixed in with hyper-happiness, and hyper-EVERYTHING.

On the good side:
1. I am not apathetic.
2. I am not dead.
3. I am fully engaged in my life and in mothering.

On the bad side:
1. I really can't sleep.
2. I can't put enough in to help Noah daily. I need to be able to work with Noah every day, but I can't. This is hard and directly affects my stress level. On days when I can work with Noah, I feel better. On days when I can't work with Noah, I get the hyper-stress knot on my heart and can't sleep. I think somehow my mind is taking a small, daily sadness and turning it into a mini, daily trauma or something.
3. I want motherhood to be happier and calmer... and somehow it keeps getting more stressful.

So what does this mean? I am not really sure, to be honest.

I've been doing some reading on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after reading some studies that found that parents of kids with serious illnesses and injuries can often go through PTSD.

I have checked all the criteria in the DSM-IV and I have the criteria. Is there a new DSM-V yet?

Anyway, I am an open book so I really don't mind if people know how I feel. I think that it's possible that Lucy's hospitalization reopened some of the feelings. But I think I have had these issues since Noah's birth.

So... I need to know what to do. Is this the kind of thing you get over? It's weird because I can be really happy during the day, but at night when everything is quiet and has slowed down... the stress emerges and I can't sleep. I pray and that's good... but the thing is. It's not good to be getting that little sleep that many nights a week.

Sometimes, I feel like I have to pretend that having a kid with special needs isn't any different than having a kids who doesn't have special needs. And mostly, that's true.

When you see the facts:
1. Society does not easily make a place for those who are disabled.
2. Life tends to get harder as kids get older if the level of accommodation doesn't grow with the child.
3. Services get cut, programs change, kids age out of the help that was available when they were younger.
4. My son is disturbingly injuring himself to the point that specialists are being called in and he's going to have to go to another program.

It's tough. And if I could homeschool him, I would. It was great. It was stressful but great. But school has a few things they can offer too. And I need a break. But if it keeps getting worse instead of better, we're going to cut our losses and bring him home again. Hopefully by that time I will be able to focus on him a bit more than now. Now, if he was home he would do a lot of wandering and squeezing out lotion and shampoo, and ripping up papers, and dumping out things. It's also not safe because he could potentially hurt himself, if I can't watch him all the time. That's why it is so stressful every night before Scott gets home. It's that last bit of the afternoon from 3-5:30 where I worry the most. And at night I worry about that time the next day. But then I also worry to get the emails home from school, the phone calls, and generally any report at this time from ANYONE concerning Noah. I'm not getting many positives at this time, and that is scaring me. Then he's having major meltdowns several times a day. On Friday, our Homestead worker counted almost 100 times that Noah hit his temple within an hour. And really, he's done much worse than that. The stress of worrying about his brain, his hearing, his skull... it's horrible. It's horrible. And his little arm is scarred from him biting himself.

Noah is so adorable and sweet. It's really an ongoing traumatic experience to see him going through such a rough time, and to be able to do NOTHING, nothing to stop it. I made a little book for him on Friday. It's really cute. It's a little picture book that I made out of stiff baseball covers... you know the hard plastic ones? I wrote a little rhyme...

It's called
Keeping It Cool
I'm not gonna hit my head
I'm gonna stomp my foot instead.
I'm not gonna bite my arm
I'm gonna keep it safe from harm.
Gonna keep it cool
At Home or at School.

It's kinda dorky, I know, but Noah LOVES it. He absolutely loves it and keeps giving me his leg so I can stomp it for him when we get to that part. I don't know why he won't stomp his own foot, but whatever. It's really cute that he likes it.

I'll see if it helps him. I have secured a little more help for this week with Noah. It's not enough, but it's something. Plus Homestead has upped their hours. That's really helpful. I can always count on the Homestead to be there. Even if they can't make it better, they try really really hard. Thank goodness for people who really care. I've had Homestead workers cry with me even. (and laugh and be really happy too, but we're talking about sad stuff right now... I warned you).

Anyway, I'm really having trouble. It's tough. We're not doing so great right now.

I'm just putting it out there. I don't want to hide it and pretend everything's great today. So pray for Noah please. Specifically that he will stop hurting himself. That we will be able to find more community resources. That we will be really happy again. That I can shake the knot of stress off my heart. That Andy and Lucy won't get lost in the shuffle. That Noah won't get lost either. That Noah's life will be really great and happy. If we're praying, let's pray for some miracles too... although lately a tiny improvement would feel miraculous. So let's pray for tiny miracles.

Here are some tiny miracles that you could pray for:
1. That Noah will sit at the table for dinner for 5 minutes one night this week without crying, screaming and pushing the table away. We've been making him do this for awhile. Scott holds him with one arm while he eats with the other. Noah pushes the table away and Andy and I have to keep pushing it back throughout dinner. We are so determined to do this, we just have a conversation while pushing the table back and forth and hopping up and down to bring toys to Noah.

2. That Noah will take three sips or tastes of food this week. Any food, any liquid, even water.

3. That Noah will use his speech this week. Let's see... a tiny miracle would be maybe two words a day that are unprompted. Perhaps a request for something.

4. That Noah will not pull anyone's hair, pinch, bite, or hit anyone more than one time a day this week.

5. That Noah will not have more than two tantrums a day this week.

6. That I will be able to fall asleep before 2:30 am every night this week, 1:30 would be nicer, 3 is more probable, so I'll compromise with 2:30.

7. And the last tiny miracle would be for Lucy to sleep in the late afternoon before Scott comes home so I can focus on Noah and his safety and maybe even get some table work in with him.

8. Heck, I'll throw in one for Andy too. Let's see, how about a tiny miracle for Andy would be that Andy is able to jump on his pogo stick 11 times in a row (his current record is 10). Let's up it to 12. Hey this is prayer, and we can ask for anything, God doesn't HAVE to do it. And Andy has worked so hard on this!

Anyway, those are my prayers for this week. Some silly, some not. All important.

Good thing only a few people read this, or this would probably be a post classified as TMI.

2008-02-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

I am just starting to get into Willa Cather. I have never read more than excerpts from her books, and I am really, really excited to delve into her books. I found in an introduction to Bohemian Girl this paragraph.

Red Cloud may not have looked like much, but for a genius, it was enough. When asked, in a 1921 interview, if Nebraska was "a storehouse of literary material." Cather responded brusquely, "If a true artist was born in a pigpen and raised in a sty, he would still find plenty of inspiration for his work. The only need is the eye to see." Fortunately for Cather, Red Cloud, as unprepossessing as it may have appeared, did indeed have a great deal to offer to a young girl whose intellectual curiosity and strong sense of independence may have been outstripped only by her energy. She made many lifelong friends, including the four Miner sisters, with whom she staged plays and tramped about the undulating countryside outside Red Cloud. (The Miner clan is immortalized as the Harlings in My Antonia.) Cather also had a gift for striking up friendships with adults, and this had a profound effect on her intellectual development. As improbable as it sounds, there was a classics-loving Englishman in town, William Ducker, who clerked in a store; he taught Cather Latin and Greek, and soon she was reading Virgil, Ovid, and Homer. Mrs. Miner exposed Cather to classical music; opera, in particular, was to become a lasting passion for her. And there were the Weiners, a cultivated German-French couple, neighbors whose love for literature inspired Cather to learn French. She of course read widely on her own-- Shakespeare, Carlyle, Dickens, Byron, Poe, George Eliot, Emerson-- and she began to assemble a private library, which ranged from Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress to Louisa May Alcott's Jo's Boys, some volumes inscribed with her signature, "Wm Cather Jr."

Anyway, I just thought it was really neat how the community educated her. I think it shows that when someone is motivated to learn, they will, without being forced. It inspires me with my own children to provide a community for learning and an environment that supports and respects curiosity in all its forms. Anyway, I'll see what I think of her books. I'm am going to go read (when I am taking care of the kids... I sneak in a few pages now and then... so far, I've been able to read quite a lot!)

2008-01-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

Andy: Do good guys have minions?

Scott: No. Only bad guys. (I suppose not technically true)

Andy: Then why is everyone always following ME?

2008-01-16T15:06:00.000-08:00

I went to yoga tonight.
I was a little sad.
I'm trying not to be sad.
But I can't help it.
I just keep thinking how sad it is that Noah can't talk.
And how upset it makes him.
And how I wish he would stop biting and hitting himself.
And pulling people's hair.
I know it's because he's sad that he can't communicate.
He's so frustrated.
The barriers seem so great.
So when I was there, I burst into tears.
I was lying down on my back at the end of class.
And I couldn't stop them from coming.
Even though I was in a public place.
And I was thinking how can we go on?
How can I go on if Noah can't communicate?
How will I do this?
The icon of Christ that lines the dome of our church came into my mind.
And the words from the liturgy, "For He is good and loves mankind."
And that's how we're going to go on.

I went home and looked up where that comes in the liturgy.
It comes at the end of a passage where we are asking God to save us.
And then the next words are this.

PSALM 33/34

READER: I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall be ever on my lips. My soul shall glory in the Lord: let the meek hear and rejoice. Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Approach the Lord and be enlightened, and your face shall never be shamed. This wretched man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and delivered him from all his afflictions.

The angel will stand guard around those who fear the Lord and save them. Taste and see how good the Lord is. Blessed is the man who hopes in him. Fear the Lord, all you his faithful ones, for those who fear him shall want for nothing. The rich have become poor and hungry, but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good. Come, children, hear me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Which of you desires life, and loves to see the good days? Keep your tongue from wickedness, and your lips from deceitful speech; turn away from evil, and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are upon the just and his ears are open to their pleas; the face of the Lord is turned against sinners, to erase their memory from the earth. The just cried out and the Lord heard them, and he delivered them from all their trials. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted, and he will save the humble in spirit. Many are the trials of the righteous, but out of them all the Lord will deliver them. He protects every bone in their body: not a single one of them will be broken. The death of sinners is painful; those who hate justice shall be damned. The Lord will redeem the souls of his servants, and none of those who hope in him shall be lost.

Wow.

2007-12-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday!!! I just had to blog that Scott gave me the ABBA Number Ones album! I have been wanting this album for forever! I am so excited and the kids and I have been dancing to it already. We are heading up to Jester Park for horseback riding lessons soon, so Darren (Noah's SCL worker and family friend) will also be treated to ABBA all morning!

Scott also gave me something that he and I were so excited to discover... The Melita Perfect Brew 1 cup filter cone and Zanzibar's Decaf Holiday Blend... AND a gift certificate to Lucy.com! Yay! Thanks Scott! I love you!

My mommy also bought me another year of Wondertime magazine (my favorite) and some delicious smelling organic shampoo and conditioner (it smells like lemons).

But the best present of all is to spend my birthday with my little children. Awwww... they are so sweet.

2007-11-20T15:12:00.001-08:00

I went to the third grade class at Hubbell today. I wanted to tell them about Noah because Noah is starting at Hubbell next Monday. It was beautiful in it's very ordinariness. I showed them his baby pictures when he was on life support, and I showed them a feeding tube and how they work. They asked questions, and pretty good ones, too. One of the boys is our neighbor, and he chimed in that Noah enjoys it if you sing "Jingle Bells," which is quite true.

I can't tell you how happy I feel about the welcome he is receiving from our neighborhood school. One teacher told me that she is really happy to be working with Noah with tears in her eyes. One therapist said that she could tell he was so loved and had joy in his life after meeting him and spending time with him. His associate, Kathy, said we had done a good job with him, and that he was such a great kid. The nurse was incredibly encouraging, and we left her today laughing, surrounded by the contents of her office, torn apart to make room for Noah.

The school is basically bending over backwards to welcome him, and it is a relief like I have never felt before. I can't even describe it. I guess it's this feeling that maybe I don't have to be in charge of everything when it comes to Noah. I didn't realize that was even weighing me down! I love homeschooling him, and I still will be homeschooling him for two days a week plus every afternoon. Knowing that others are going to help out though, and that those others are incredibly helpful, kind, and sincerely good people, is enough to rebuild some trust again.

That seems to be my lesson for the year... both with Lucy and her extremely positive medical experience, then Noah and the positive school experience. Maybe I'm not in this alone. I never really have been in it alone. I have always had my family and friends around me to support us, pray for us, listen to me whine and vent, and to be faithful birthday party attenders! And we have had the Homestead and our nurse... and our doctors too (who have even given us their personal numbers, mind you). But now we have other people too.

That is what I am thankful for this year. I am thankful for the safety net, the smiling faces, the people who "get it." The people who see what it is that I am trying to do, which is to raise happy healthy kids in spite of sometimes unhappy, unhealthy circumstances. And thanks to God and the safety net, it seems to be working.

When I asked the kids who would want to read to Noah, they all wanted to. One little boy said, "I'm sad that I won't get to know Noah because I am moving away, and now that I've heard about him... I really want to get to know him." And I replied, "I'm sad about that too." Because I could tell, he gets it. He is only in third grade, but he understands what it is to meet someone who has worked through 1600 therapy appointments to get to where he is.

So, today, I just want to thank everybody out there who makes up our safety net. You give us support in practical ways, but most importantly, you do it with a smile and you are so joy affirming.

As the disabled, little Tiny Tim said in Dickens Christmas Carol, "God bless us, every one."

2007-11-12T11:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here's the story of how we came to march in a parade for Barack Obama.

Scott has been wanting to see Obama at least ONE time. It's a pretty huge milestone for America to have a black presidential candidate who has a decent chance. And he's against the war (and has been) and is against the death penalty and as Democrats go... he is not too bad. Still am hoping for a pro-life Republican candidate that I can get behind (who will probably disagree with me on EVERYTHING else... but we do have priorities).

Anyway so it's the THIRD time we've tried to go see him, because the other two times we literally showed up about 5 minutes after he left. It was getting to be a thing.

So Scott signed us up to go last Saturday.

Um, I've been a registered Democrat for all of two seconds, and I know NOTHING of how they do things. Apparently there's this big Jefferson Jackson dinner... it's the Democratic equivalent of the Ames Straw Poll. Well, hee hee... that's what the rally was for.

I still was clueless even through Barack's entire speech, the concert, and his wife's speech...

And then they said, "All right, let's make our way up to the auditorium together."

Well we figured we would just go home, since we didn't have tickets for the dinner and had NO IDEA what it was anyway. Well, wouldn't you know we follow the crowd out the door and we are in this huge mass of people... probably one to two thousand! And they are all yelling, "Fired Up! Ready to go!" And "Obama 08."

And then the Isiserettes (a local African American youth drumline and dance troupe) started playing and dancing and then everyone was really into it. And Scott and I just looked at each other and laughed. We were in a parade! for Barack Obama! And it was a long parade and it was totally fun.

We were all dancing (we had the kids and Aunt Marie with us) and yelling. I am not even really an Obama supporter, but I thought "What the heck..." and just got into it.

And for a moment, I just got caught up in how utterly COOL it was for all the black kids there,, playing their instruments to have a candidate that was perhaps the closest to being president that any black person has ever come. And I just started to cry about how neat it was. And it made me realizing that I really like marching for things... the only two times I have protested before were to hold signs for a "Life Chain" to protest abortion and also once I hung up a gigantic sign (like 4' by 6') on my front porch. On that sign I painted "Pray for Terri" when Terri Schiavo's situation was in the courts (damn courts allowed her to be killed too! Oh that just makes me so mad!)

Anyway, I felt sort of like a hired mourner.. you know the ones that they hire to march behind the casket and make a huge ruckus. But of course, no one was mourning. Anyway, it was a teensy bit like a civil rights march, and in a sense it was. It was the culmination of a lot of civil rights marches, and lots of hard fights from minorities to get Senator Obama where he is today.

I did have a feeling in the pit of my stomach though that perhaps abortion disproportionately affects minorities, and that made me sad. I really feel, as I've said before, not quite "IN" with any presidential candidate.

Maybe, as James Dobson said, I should just not vote this election. But somehow that just doesn't seem right either.

Crunchy conservative, or pro-life liberal. Maybe that's what it was like to be a Southern abolitionist. Well, I guess I'm not too upset that I don't fit in anywhere. I never really have. It's just hard when you want to be (as George W. so eloquently put it) a uniter not a divider. :)

2007-11-10T05:17:00.001-08:00

Now here's a Da Vinci code that I can get behind!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/11/09/italy.davincicode.ap/index.html

I LOVE stuff like this!

2007-11-09T14:41:00.000-08:00

How does your brain see this? Post a reply and let me know.

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html

2007-11-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

Well, let me just say that I have never liked Pat Robertson too much. But as a fellow Christian I usually agreed with at least half of what he stood for. Today, that is no longer the case.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/11/07/conservatives.endorsements/index.html

According to this article, Pat Robertson is endorsing Giuliani! What? How can this be? I too like Giuliani, and admire how he handled 9/11, but he's prochoice! I could never vote for a prochoice republican! I mean, what is the point of being a Republican if you aren't going to be pro-life...

To me, this shows what I have felt for a long time, that some Christians care more about keeping the war going than caring about the unborn...

I've said before and I will say it again. If it's a pro-choice Democrat versus a pro-choice Republican, I am voting Democrat. Because at least under Democrats fewer abortions are committed and there's a lot of other great things that Democrats stand for that I really believe in. So far I have voted pro-life in every election... to the exclusion of all other issues.

Honestly, I will vote for Hillary over Giuliani. I will! Grrrrr.

2007-10-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

Yay! Jacob Allen was found! I was praying so hard!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/18/hiker.found.ap/index.html

I hope that he recovers well.

2007-09-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we leave for vacation! Yay! After making our plans several times ranging from Chicago, to NYC, to Disney World we decided to go South. We are going to go to Dallas first to visit our family and especially our new little niece Amelie, then we are going to go to San Antonio... and after that, we don't know yet!

I hope to keep my blog posted throughout our vacation. We'll see if that actually happens!

Anyway, it's packing and errand running time, then hopefully a trip to the gym, then more packing, cleaning and organizing, and then bed and then we leave! Of course we will have to get coffee before we leave town, but that's a given.

Have a nice week y'all.

2007-09-07T07:16:00.001-07:00

Here is another article about evangelicals converting to Orthodoxy.

http://blogs.wsj.com/informedreader/2007/08/23/former-evangelicals-expand-the-orthodox-church/

2007-08-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

These toys are so cool. I am so excited about these. They just came out, and some Walmarts are carrying them. Andy likes the Samson and Goliath toys. They are kind of expensive though! 25 bucks for a kids action figure seems like a lot.

Anyway, I am glad they are out there.

http://store.messengersoffaith.net/taofgltost.html

2007-08-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

Here is a great (albeit long) article about evangelicals turning towards orthodoxy. I could really relate to the woman interviewed at the end who wanted to join a larger body of Christians instead of being in a small segment of Christianity.

http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/blog/2007/08/24/evangelicals-turn-toward-the-orthodox-church/

2007-08-25T23:59:00.001-07:00

You Belong in 1983

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

2007-08-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

Happy things from my week:

1. Our first week of homeschool has gone great! We had a theme of frogs because Andy was learning letters that have a "frog jump." Noah loved singing Five Green and Speckled Frogs with little finger puppets that we made. They both liked their tiny chalkboard slates I bought them (I would have loved them too when I was a kid because it would have been like Little House on the Prairie).

2. Office Max is having free laminating Thursdays for teachers including homeschool teachers (at least this homeschool teacher!) I made 8 little file folder games for Noah. My favorite one is one where he will match the letters of his name.

3. CBS is bringing back Jericho (which since I watch online I didn't know until now).

4. Lucy loves me. But she also liked wearing a purple mullet wig we have for dress up. One of the neighbor boys was putting it on her, and she laughed like I have never heard her laugh before. It was full on belly laughter.

5. Our habanero peppers from our garden were awesome. We had some in my homemade salsa with our fresh tomatoes and corn from Scott's grandpa's farm. We were in heaven.

6. Scott made dinner three times this week. He is wonderful.

7. I made my fall order for homeschool stuff. Highlights are dancing ribbons and scarves for Noah... The Story of the World for Andy... If Kisses Were Colors (I love that book and although it is fun to get it for her from the library, I wanted to own it) for Lucy... Ringzzz game for me... A new Jazz CD, tons of art supplies, manners flash cards with little pigs on them, an artist go fish game and lots of other stuff. I still need to order seashells, new magnifying glasses, binoculars, a scale, pattern blocks, and a new pencil sharpener too! I ordered other stuff but I can't remember it.

8. We all went out on our date night with the respite nurse and everything. I had fun browsing at Pottery Barn kids... I swear they market to homeschoolers or something... cause I want everything in that store, except for the planets mobile that I bought last year and the boys used it as a sort of floating tee to hit with bat-like things. They finally hit all the planets off and I got tired of fixing it after 20 times.

9. I went to a garage sale and got $200 worth of toys for 28 bucks. I literally bought them out of toys. All of their toys were so nice... one had to have been brand new. The neighborhood kids all played with it a long time today. Included was a little futon for kids too.

10. I am getting the boys signed up for horseback riding again on Thursdays... it just didn't work to great when Andy was in school, but now that we're homeschooling... we have plenty of time (ha!). I called the principal of our neighborhood school, and Andy gets to be in their chess club in a month... so that will be fun. Andy is also going to play soccer again and I really want to put both of them in swimming lessons. I am looking for a Special Olympics coach for Noah so that he can do that next year too. We are also signing up Andy for AWANA at grandma and grandpas church.

11. Scott got to have dinner with the bishop on Saturday (I was going to go too, but I was too pooped so I had to back out... it was a parish council thing so it wasn't as bad as it sounds for me not to go). I have a girls night out this Saturday. We are going to a piano bar and then the Cosmopolitan lounge where they play 70's music and have GREAT lemon drop martinis and then on to the Lift (a smoke free bar). It should be a really fun time. It's fun to just talk and talk and talk and talk sometimes!

12.This week I had the 5P extravaganza all in one room (on the carpet)... Poop, pee, paint, partially digested food (barf), and Pediasure. And I got it all pretty much out calmly and without too much fuss. I won't go into the chocolate syrup all over the keyboard ( I mean ALL OVER).

13. We have pumpkins and teensy little watermelons from our garden!

Thank you God for all the little blessings!

2007-08-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

I found a new free link! I only will link to actually GOOD free sites. Sites that give you something... and I found another one. It's called Starfall and it's under my icon links. Andy loves it, I am going to try it out with Noah here in a minute. The only thing is I stink at HTML stuff so they aren't straight and that really bothers me... anyone know how to fix it? Computer hubby??? Do you?

2007-08-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

Wanted: Your junk.

If anyone who lives near me wants a place to land some of their good trash for a few months, I'll take it. But not ALL of it!

Here's what I need:

1. junk mail and 8.5 x 11 scrap paper

Why? Because Noah and I are going to practice shredding as a project. I am hoping that if Noah gets good at shredding we can get a volunteer gig somewhere shredding their paper... Anyway, it's something fun that he can do that has a job skills angle to it! We are going to shred paper in a shredder and then fill paper bags to make a giant fort. That leads me to my next item of junk that we need.

2. Paper bags

Why? See #1

3. Egg cartons

Why? We are going to make egg carton games, egg carton caterpillars, egg carton construction, and it's a fun item for Noah to cut with scissors to build hand strength and scissor skills.

4. Plastic grocery bags

Why? Umm... cause we blow threw these things, man. We use them for trash bags, totes, and baby haz mat bags.

5. Wrapping paper tubes, paper towel tubes, and tp tubes

Why? We are going to build communicator tubes, ball travel tubes, swords, we will use the long ones as post for our fort walls.

6. Huge boxes, weird garbage (that isn't gross), and odd things

Why? Junk constructions projects

7. Glass and plastic jars of all shapes and sizes with lids

Why? Volume exercises, bug houses, and snowglobes

8. Neat tins with lids, canisters, cereal boxes, oatmeal canisters, and any neat food container that can be cleaned out well.

Why? We are going to stock a "store" and also for junk construction.

9. Newspaper

Why? Papier mache, of course!

10. Packaging material, bubble wrap, packing peanuts... no paper though, just plastic and styrofoam

Why? Junk construction, bubble wrap stamping, bubble wrap popping

Anyway, If you got it, we want it. Just for a few months though... I will tell you when I have enough!

I am hoping to stash things as we get them in my attic and then pull them out as we use them.

2007-08-17T11:26:00.001-07:00

This is funny, and oh so ironic.

I love, love, love wind power... and while I think we should be careful and selective about where we use it, I really think we should make more of these off shore wind farms.

2007-08-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me know that I voted for George W. Bush twice. You also know that I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I voted for Bush twice because of the Supreme Court Justices. I was hoping we could get some people on the court who might be able to overturn Roe v. Wade (which would then force it to Congress who would then probably make abortion legal anyway) or at least to pair it down so that abortions wouldn't be as widespread as they are now.

After 9/11, I supported the war in Afghanistan, but when Colin Powell went in front of the UN to show his evidence of WMD in Iraq, I had a huge sinking feeling. I trusted though that the government was doing the right thing. But then as the war progressed, it seemed that we were simultaneously overfunding the war, while the soldiers in Iraq were underequipped and underfunded... Which was true? And not only that, where were the WMDs?

It's hard because I know the media spins things the way they want, but then so does the government. I am not naive enough to think that the government is a philanthropic organization either. What is the truth? Will we ever know? Have we gone so far in Iraq now, that the original truth doesn't even matter?

I have changed my political and religious stance quite a bit in the past 12 years. I no longer believe in the death penalty. I am still against abortion. I actually support MORE government infrastructure and services rather than less-- only practically though, not philosophically (ideally, I would like to see small government, but realistically I don't think this is possible). And I think something needs to be done about healthcare, and I have to be honest... the government has done a pretty darn good job of helping Noah by giving him Medicaid as a secondary insurance. Without Medicaid, Scott and I would either have had to put Noah in institutional care (which would not have happened) or we would be very, very poor probably on the edge of bankruptcy. So to me, bureaucratic mess that it is, I do support the government stepping in and making sure that people have health care, one way or the other. I think we need much smaller class sizes. I think we need more bike trails, more train systems, more roads, stronger bridges, and better services for mentally ill homeless people. I believe in peace. I understand that sometimes you have to have war to have peace. (Although that sounds eerily like a quote from Orwell's 1984 "War is Peace.") At least I think I do. All I know is that I don't want people to die anymore in this war.

I can't help but feel that if our best and bravest young men and women are going to be at risk for losing their lives, don't we as a people deserve the right to know that this is a just cause? Here is a link where you can see some of the beautiful young men who have given their lives for us and for our country.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18338428/

So I have this dilemma. Who do I support?

There is not one candidate who I believe has a consistent ethic for life.

To me a consistent ethic for life would be:
1. No euthanasia. Not ever.
2. No abortion.
3. War ONLY as a defensive measure or with a clearly defined mission and a clearly defined reason.
4. No death penalty. As long as there is life, there is hope for redemption.
5. A compassionate respect for all human life as it exists. This would mean that no mentally ill, mentally retarded, or otherwise disabled person would need to live on the streets or in horrible circumstances. It would also mean that every single person would be able to go to a doctor if they need it. It would also mean that schools would need more funding to be able to have smaller class sizes and more aides so that less kids are put in special ed or behavior disorder classrooms. It would mean that corporations would not be allowed to destructively invade our beautiful Earth that God created. It would also mean the corporations would not be able to continue to get away with mercury in vaccines or advocating the use of meth-like drugs for kids with ADHD.

It's all related.

Who in the world do I vote for? Honestly, it's driving me crazy! I have consistently voted against abortion. I hope it paid off. The Supreme Court does look considerably different.

But now, I don't know where to vote. Am I a democrat or a republican at heart? I switch back and forth. At the last election I voted three times (only one counted!!!!) because I kept changing my vote!

I want to vote with my convictions, but which convictions do I choose? And I have to choose!

My thinking goes something like this.

1. My anti-abortion beliefs trumps my anti-death penalty beliefs simply because babies are innocent, and there are more of them being aborted than there are people on death row.
2. Anti-euthanasia trumps more services for the disabled, but right now this is almost a non-issue.
3. Peace and protecting the environment feel like futile attempts, so there sometimes seems no point in making it all about those issues. There are just too many people who don't care about the environment or who feel like it is their god-given prerogative to trash God's creation. Of course the same thing could be said about abortion. There are simply too many people who support keeping abortion in place, that it does seem like it will never, ever go away.

So here I am. If anyone can make a good argument for why I should support Democrat or Republican have at it. Also if you know of a good candidate, tell me.

Honestly though, if it were all about me, I would be a libertarian who still believes in some restraint of corporations. Cause I really, really, really hate authority and big government and being told what to do. But I also hate guns. Cause people use guns to kill people. Theoretically I support the constitutional right to bear arms. But not everyone, and not all guns either.

So I am neither completely liberal, nor am I conservative.

But I am not a moderate. Somehow, I come off as radical. I mean what I believe, I really really believe.

So I am black and white... with no gray. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) there is no political candidate EVER who agrees with me.

2007-07-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, Molly, lives on a restored prairie and wetland. This year she invited all of the Cameo (a moms group) kids to come out and have a "Pond Frolic." It was a blast! The kids had so much fun getting muddy and finding snails, toads, larvae, and all kinds of stuff.

2007-07-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

What is it with kids and mud? :)

2007-07-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

If only we could always bathe outside... Here's Andy getting cleaned up after the pond frolic.

2007-07-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Here is Noah enjoying having his legs muddy at the Pond Frolic.

2007-07-27T22:57:00.000-07:00

A vision in pink... Miss Lucy B. Our friends, the Dugans, gave this dress to her and she's soooooo cute! Are you all getting sick of me saying that yet?

2007-07-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

Everyday we see this urban prairie when we go to our garden, so finally I brought my camera to take some pictures. I love these flowers. Every time a see this patch of prairie flowers with blue sky, I am reminded of the movie Millions. I love this movie and in it are all kinds of scenes of green grass and blue sky and great music. Anyway, I am going to check out the soundtrack again from the library and listen to it this week. I wish I could live in this field of flowers under a blue sky all the time. But then maybe I wouldn't appreciate it as much. I think I need winter to make my heart ache for sunnier days. Today, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of happiness when we walked through all the gardens with the kids. We picked a few tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, beans, zuchinni, and yellow squash. I felt like it was a little like the way God intended life to be for us, filled with beauty and abundance and love.

I love my days right now, and I am so grateful for the health of my children right now, and so grateful that we have had this beautiful summer with them.

2007-07-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of Lucy Beatrice with Uncle Peter and Aunt Beka for her chrismation. They are her godparents! I love the gown. Scott's cousin Darlene gave Lucy Beatrice the gown at her baby shower and it is so exciting that she finally got to wear it!

2007-07-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

Here is one of the butterflies that emerged this morning. They are the tiniest little butterflies... probably about one inch tall. This one liked the lily, but not for long!

2007-07-26T11:20:00.001-07:00

They're hatching, they're hatching. My little Silvery Checkerspot butterflies are emerging from their chrysalides. So far just one is out, but the other four look like they are going to make it too! How exciting!

Here is a picture of what they look like.
http://www.naturescapes.net/portfolios/displayimage.php?pos=-10515
They aren't showy butterflies, but are delicate and very pretty.

2007-07-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

Here is Andy demonstrating a feat of strength. Andy's five now, and VERY strong!

2007-07-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

My nephew Robbie was married last weekend in Burlington. Here is a picture of he and Ashley getting pelted with rose petals. Congratulations!

2007-07-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we stopped in Eldon, Iowa to see the American Gothic house. I have rediscovered my love for all things Grant Wood... Iowa summer has a way of doing that for me! It also helped that I went to Iowa State University where Grant Wood was at one time an Artist in Residence. By the way, if you want to see some beautiful, but lesser known works by Grant Wood, you should go to the library at Iowa State and check out the amazing murals. Anyway, I am now on a hunt for a Grant Wood reproduction for my living room. I am fundamentally against reproductions, but darn it, I want a Grant Wood painting... really, really bad. So it's going to have to be a print or a poster folks... since I lost all my millions in Las Vegas!

2007-07-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

My garden has been doing great. I have picked untold numbers of yellow squash as well as some zuchinni, snow peas, zinnias, and lettuce. BUT the squash bugs have made their way into my pumpkins, and I am hoping they will still bear some mature pumpkins... we'll see.

Well, I had been getting so used to removing the squash bug larvae off of all the leaves as well as smooshing the squash bugs (I am going to stop doing this, it makes me too, too sad... poor squash bugs!) I sort of had the mindset of "Get those critters out of my garden!" So when I found a mass of writhing larvae on my giant sunflower leaf, I promptly pulled it and had Andy cart it off to the debris pile. Now, you may remember that our garden is behind the Franklin Library so we drive there... it's about two miles from our house.

Anyway, later that night, I was doing my evening net surfing and looked up what kind of insects lay eggs on sunflowers. GUESS WHAT!!!!! I had removed Silvery Checkerspot butterfly larvae... probably about 25 itsy bitsy caterpillars in all.

Keep in mind, it was 11:30 pm and the garden is two miles away, and I am almost in tears over the lost opportunity to get to see each larva develop and maybe even the opportunity to see them form a chrysalis. Not to mention that now the world will be short 25 Silvery Checkerspot butterflies.

So Scott and I headed over to the garden at almost midnight armed with a styrofoam bowl, a plastic knife (for scooping the larve into the bowl), and a headlamp (boy that headlamp gets action at our house!). We got to the garden and went through the debris pile leaf by leaf. We couldn't find it, so we tried a garbage can (not to much though, we aren't that heroic or stupid!), and we couldn't find them.

So we checked the debris pile again, leaf by leaf... and GUESS WHAT???!!!???? We found the larvae! We found about 20 tiny caterpillars. We transplanted 15 back to one of my giant sunflowers... they will have so much fun eating it! And then we brought five home. I put them in a mason jar with a huge sunflower leaf and covered the top with the foot of some old panty hose. They have actually been munching all day and have grown by about 50% since yesterday.

I am really hoping we can get them to make their chrysalides in captivity. We have had luck hatching a monarch chrysalis, but we tried some painted ladies recently and they never emerged from their chrysalides. I am hoping we will have better luck this time. I really want these little babies to turn into beautiful butterflies!

So that is a crazy Peterson story. And my wonderful husband is so nice to go along with my schemes.

2007-07-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

Little Miss Lucy is rolling over from back to front! She's been doing it for about a week, but I am finally posting it! She is trying to scoot on her tummy, but I think that's going to be awhile!

Yay, Lucy!

2007-06-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

I just thought they looked so cute here!

2007-06-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

Andy is quite the little chessmaster for a four year old and has now beaten all the adults at least once... Grandpa, Daddy, Mommy, Aunt Marie, Uncle Peter, and Aunt Rebekah. I would like to say however that we usually are ALSO trying to carry on a conversation or hold a baby at the same time...

2007-06-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

This is really how Scott takes the boys grocery shopping on a weekly basis. They love it.

2007-06-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

We had fun one day making balloon super hero costumes on the front porch. Andy and his friend Jake then had a superhero battle with balloon swords. It was really fun.

2007-06-23T21:47:00.000-07:00

Andy and I really love to play pirates. It's so fun, and he really gets into it. Um.... I guess I really get into it too. Maybe too much. After we set it up and hide all the treasure. We then pillage and plunder our own island.

2007-06-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

I think she might be a thumbsucker!

2007-06-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

My two little budding evil geniuses. The Science Center of Iowa is so fun, and the kids really are into it so much this year.

2007-06-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

Andy practices shooting spider webs at the Village Bean.

2007-06-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

I love my hotsling, and Lucy loves it too!

2007-06-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

A dad smiles at his son. I love him!

2007-06-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

Chilling at the Village Bean in the East Village. Yes, I know Noah is wearing an Obama sticker. No, we are not supporting him. However, being in Iowa, it's always fun to go see candidates as they make the rounds prior to straw poll and caucus time. So that's how he got the sticker. The East Village is so fun now!

2007-06-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or does my Andy have an awesome stage presence. I mean, he just sparkles! This was his end of the year preschool program.

2007-06-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Worn out from playing too hard. Cuties.