Hollylooyah

Well, I had hoped the day would end on a positive note and it has, THANK YOU GOD! Anyway, Lucy has been eating better. She hates the Pedialyte so she is allowed to eat some breast milk-- unfortified so it tastes much better to her. She was able to nurse a little too in addition to taking a bottle. She has trouble burping since she still has an epidural in, but she only spit up a little in her bed and didn't aspirate or anything. The surgeon said we should watch her for reflux right now, so of course we are.

Anyway, hopefully it will be a quiet night. And hopefully she will keep eating well. Her blood sugars have come down nicely. Her last one was in the 90s. Yay! So we of course will be waiting and seeing what happens in the next week. We should know more by next Monday.

Scott was able to get 6 hours of work in today. He is hoping to work a near 40 or complete 40 hour work week this week. He still does have some vacation and could even possibly take unpaid leave, but that is not something that we want to do. We do actually need his paycheck to survive after all!

The boys were adorable tonight when we went home for a little bit. We are just all around feeling a little more positive. Maybe Lucy will be off the epidural and the oxygen tomorrow. I hope so!

Lucy had her pancreatectomy on Monday. The surgery took about 6 hours with prep, surgery, and getting off the vent. Her blood sugars were running in the 300-400s all last night, so she has been started on insulin. She still hasn't shown any ketones in her urine yet. Her potassium and sodium levels were messed up so they got that fixed. The worst thing that has happened so far is that she tried to take a few ccs of Pedialyte and stopped breathing for a little while. Her sats dropped all the way down to 33%. She had to actually be bagged with oxygen to get her to come back up. It was terrifying; Scott and I about lost it. She is still on a nasal canula from the surgery, and she is really hungry. We are hoping she will be able to eat today, but we tried some more Pedialyte again this morning and she stopped breathing again. So far she's only desatted two more times since the super scary time last night. Her blood sugars are now down to the high 100s on insulin, so keep praying that they will come back even more and maybe even without insulin.

Scott is out of vacation because he had to watch the boys so much, so he is going back to work today. I don't want to be negative, but I am feeling a little down right now. I am not looking forward to the day. I really would like to see Lucy feeling better, able to eat safely, and with better blood sugars.

We could really use your prayers today. Thanks.

Don't worry about us though, most likely by tonight things will be better.

So perhaps some of you are wondering how the baby is doing. She is stable, however she still is requiring large amounts of dextrose to keep up her blood sugars. She simply can't do it on her own. That little Pic line is literally saving her life right now. Anyway we were unable to get the Mercy privileges for our surgeon so we will be transferring to another hospital in Des Moines for the surgery (if surgery is what we pursue-- Scott and I are second guessing ourselves). She is able to wear clothes now and she looks adorable. If only I was more techie, I would have pictures for you all to see. She is doing much better (when she is awake) at eating her food. She is taking a bottle now a lot. She can't breastfeed too much because breast milk is too low in calorie and I have to express it and then they mix it with higher calorie ingredients. Too bad. Hopefully that will change after the surgery.

Anyway, please pray for wisdom for the doctors and for us in knowing which path to take. Also pray that her surgery (if that's what we do) will go well and that she will recover. Also pray that she will have no long term side effects from the low blood sugar. And please pray too that the rest of us (Scott, Holly, Noah, and Andy) will be safe, happy, healthy and at peace right now.

I took a break yesterday and today for a few hours and Scott came in with Lucy. It was nice to spend some time with the boys even if all we did was to get some groceries and read a few stories. I love my boys, and it was breaking my heart not to be with them.

My wonderful sister Marie has come again this weekend so Scott and I are able to spend the night with Lucy tonight. His presence is so reassuring to me when I am here. I was starting to get sad and depressed when I was here by myself, so this is wonderful. We have actually been able to get caught up on some things... almost anyway, not the least of which was finances and our calendar which has been spinning out of control the past few weeks.

Thanks for praying, caring, and checking in on how we are doing. We need your prayers more than ever. And thanks to those of you who have brought meals, watched the kids, brought gifts, and those of you who have hugged us and just generally given us comfort. We are forever grateful.

Lucy Beatrice is four days old today. And she is the sweetest little baby girl imaginable. She is nursing like a champ but it just isn't enough to keep her blood sugar up. In fact, they aren't even counting it into her overall intake of calories.. it's just extra. She is struggling to keep her blood sugars up on a caloric cocktail of 20 ml/hr of D20 Glucose through a picc line, 45 ml of 26 calorie formula every three hours through an nasogastric feeding tube, and occasional boluses of glucose, not too mention 5-20 ml of breastmilk every three feedings both expressed and by breast. The expressed they are now adding calories to as well. With all of this her blood sugar is still low every time before her feeding. Darn it anyway.

It is looking like we will be headed for a 95% sub-total pancreatectomy within 10 days. We have to wait for the surgeon we picked to come back from vacation, then to get emergency privileges at Mercy, then to come up with the surgery plan. She has a tiny heart murmer which I am insisting needs to be checked out before surgery. There is also concern as too how much fluids she should be getting. She is getting a large amount of fluid for her tiny little body. In addition to all of this, she decided to do some normal stuff too like have a high bilirubin reading so she's also under a bank of bili lights (which really stinks, because I only get to hold her when she's nursing).

Still with all of these issues and even the low blood sugars, she is doing quite well compared to Noah when he was in the NICU and compared to a lot of the other babies in the NICU right now.

Being here brings back all the memories, good and bad. NICUs are interesting places. They are a juxtaposition of one of the happiest events in life (having a new baby) and one of the saddest events in life (having a sick child and the possibility of losing him or her). I have been pretty cheerful every day until today when it is sinking in that Lucy's not going home today, nor is she going home any time in the near future.

There is one little baby here, who just arrived since we've been here. And he must be a really early premie. He is in a tiny warmer bed surrounded by lots of machinery and life support. There are three or four huge giant machines that are surrounding this itty bitty little life. He is covered with plastic and his room is sterile and empty of everything germy. I saw his dad in there earlier today. He was young and handsome and sat slumped over in his chair. He just stared at the floor. He was sitting in utter shock. I saw him again out in the waiting room and his middle aged mother sat next to him, tears rolling down her face; she sat stroking his back. And it occured to me, how comforting it is as a parent to be able to stroke your child's back when they are sad or hurting. And how that young dad can't even stroke his own son right now because he is so, so sick. I am so grateful to be able to hold Lucy, and that she is full term, and that she has rolls of fat, and that she can nurse, and that she is my baby girl. I am so lucky. I really am. I have fallen in love with her in these four days and I love her as much as I love the boys. It was that fast.

And so Lucy, Scott and I sit. I sit with two elevated giant swollen balls of flesh that call themselves feet, blogging, pumping, crocheting. She lies on her back, arms leisurely outstretched under her spa tanning bed. She has a little blindfold on that looks a little like those eye masks that actresses like Chloris Leachman or Carole Burnett or Lucille Ball would wear... sort of pampering and comical at the same time. And then she has her two little feet crossed over each other propped up on her little nest. Scott is playing some Brazilian jazz on his laptop. Aunt Marie is with the boys. We've got it good. That doesn't mean we don't need prayer... Oh no... we need it, this next week more than ever before. But the wonderful news about all of this, is that we know what's going on. We know how to treat it, and Lord willing... in less than a month we will be home, healthy, and happy.


Here is a prayer ( I think I have posted it before) by St. Patrick in honor of his feast day today... I think it is appropriate, and I am praying it on behalf of little Lucy Bea:

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.

Welcome to the world baby girl!

Baby Lucy Beatrice Peterson has made her grand entrance into our lives at 9 pounds 1 ounce. Her Apgars were 8 and 9 so that is a wonderful thing! She overall is healthy, however she does have a nagging little blood sugar problem. She is currently in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and is receiving glucose, antibiotics, and she has a little nasal canula to give her oxygen.

Her blood sugars have gone from super bad to not so bad (not fantastic, but not so bad) and so there is still a possibility that she does NOT have PHHI. We just don't know yet.

Hopefully by tomorrow morning she will be off oxygen completely and will be able to nurse. That is what everyone is hoping!

I am doing well, although I am not able to sleep because I am soooooo wide awake! It was a crazy day, but then what Peterson child hasn't made an effort to make his or her larger than life presence known in the world! She's a spunky little thing, and she has a little bow shaped mouth and lots and lots of rolls. I just cannot wait to be able to hold her... I hope I can tomorrow.

It was a beautiful moment when Scott got to hold her in the OR and he brought her over to me. I just was so incredibly relieved to have her here and at full term too!

So join us in prayers of gratitude and healing for our darling little baby girl... as well as a few prayers for Noah (his blood sugar has been high again and he has been having some unusual crying spells the past week), for Andy (he's not been with Mommy and Daddy today, so he needs a little extra love), for Mommy (recovery from C-Section and stress level), and Daddy (he's tired and also for his ability to be on top of what's happening--- he's sleeping in her room tonight... how cute).

We love all of you that follow this blog!

I wanted to just list a few interesting books, articles, websites, etc. that I've read in the past few months before I forget in the fog of new-baby land. (No, there's no new baby yet... soon though)

Anyway here they are (ranging from the near Marxist to the ragingly libertarian to the staunchly conservative to the just for fun... in no particular order):

1. Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology by Eric Brende
This was a great story of a man and woman who decided to see if the life that the Amish lead is actually more time consuming or less time consuming than "regular" American life. Guess what he found? He found that when he lived as the Amish did, he had more free time. I believe it.

2. Breach of Faith: Hurricane Katrina and the Near Death of a Great American City by Jed Horne
I found this incredibly fascinating. The stories of those who survived Katrina were inspirational, sad, anger inducing, and frustrating. While much of the book is politicized, I can't help but feel... as I did while Katrina's impact was unfolding that a lot of the fallout could have been avoided and that our government promises a lot but doesn't necessarily follow through. It reiterated to me that personal responsibility is your best bet in this country. The people (and there were many) who stood up for themselves and did what they believed was right even if it was unconventional or even illegal tended to survive. Let that be a lesson to you.

3. The Underground History of American Education by John Gatto
Read this book! It is not written in a conventional style (It is a collection of a zillion of Gatto's essays), though, so it may drive you nuts. What he says will drive you even more nuts. He does some of his own revisionist history (or perhaps he's the correct historian) and you will learn more about the Fabians than you ever knew (which for me was nothing). Basically there are do-gooders who have messed with our country and made secular, state sponsored education into a religion. Public education will save the world and all that kind of rigamarole. Good reading.

4. Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping by Judith Levine
I may have mentioned this book before. Can't remember and just too darn lazy to look... Anyway, a decent book about consumerism (or non-consumerism in this case) and not from the usual spin of simplicity or anything like that. It pretty much is just about shopping. I liked her non judgmental attitude... although I judged her myself when I found out she was proud of her yearly charitable giving which was like $159.00 or something ridiculously small.


5. Here's an interesting Frontline about the history of the credit card. Just confirms if you don't already know... they are not your friends!
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/credit/view/#rest

6. Just in case you were wondering if the NEA thinks homeschooling is good...
http://www.nea.org/espcolumns/dv040220.html

So if homeschooling is bad and makes kids into losers, how come my sister was just snapped up (due to grades and her strong work ethic and her sociable personality) right out of college and is now teaching in a public school? Don't they know that she is a social misfit, a product of amateurish homeschooling? And no she is not a member of the NEA, thank you very much. Or how did my poor homeschooled brother end up a National Merit Scholar with a full ride and a cushy job at Microsoft? Must be a fluke.

7. And now for the best:
Free online TV shows with very few commercials.

Check out the entire season of Jericho and ALL of the new Survivor so far.
http://www.cbs.com/


I love ya, my peeps! Be thinking of us on Tuesday, March 13th when I will be cut open with a scalpel (my arms will be tied to an operating table) and a living being will be removed from my gargantuan stomach. It's really pretty macabre, and I am duly terrified. But I know it's worth it right? I will have a beautiful baby daughter at the end of the day.

The birthdate has now been scheduled and rescheduled. It was set for March 23rd... now it is March 13th. I will be just over 37 weeks. We are very excited but very nervous too. Actually it's more that we have a strange calm with an awareness that something really big is about to happen. The baby took a giant leap up to the 85th percentile so that's why everyone is a little more concerned. She may have PHHI and if she does the best and fastest and surest treatment is to get her out here in the world and take out 95% of her pancreas, poor little thing. So we just don't know yet. She just may be the large product of a 6'4" dad and a 5'2" mom who likes to eat when she's pregnant! Yes, I am huge. The baby is huge... she has 5 weeks till her due date and she's already 7 pounds 4 ounces. Huge! She gained three and a half pounds in the last four weeks. Now what is interesting is during that time I developed an intense craving for cheeseburgers. And if you know me you know that I do NOT like meat. I rarely eat it. I especially can't stand ground beef. But nevertheless, cheeseburgers it is. And I have had to have at least one every day for a few weeks now. So maybe this baby girl is just getting nicely fattened up with good old Iowa beef. (Even as I write that, I feel like gagging... yet I will still be driven to have another cheeseburger today.) Now for those of you who think this is a cry for protein or iron... that could be true. Especially the iron part. But I have been a protein addict since the first week I was pregnant. I ate eggs non stop practically. And yogurt too-- sometimes more than once a day. And if I don't get protein, I throw up... even now. I must have protein in my stomach almost at all times or I am sicker than a dog. My body type is very short and *stocky*. Ever since I was little I have always been strong. I am not fast, but I can go forever. For example, last year I decided to add swimming to my regimen of yoga, weightlifting, and the elliptical machine. No one wanted to swim with me so I just went. I just counted lengths of the pool, and after I had gotten about 30-40 lengths in I started adding it up. I couldn't remember how much I used to swim in high school, but that is a lot. Cause I started looking up training programs for triathlons, and that is a ridiculous length for your first and second time in the pool for awhile. I was feeling pretty good. The problem is, I can swim forever, at an hour on the elliptical is where I really start feeling good, and I adore lifting weights, doing the plank, and reverse situps, as well as yoga. But I am still short and stocky. I can't change the short part, but I deserve to be thinner, darn it. So I guess what I am saying is, my little baby girl may be putting on her layer of muscle just like her mama. And if she takes after Scott's height and my solidity-- Tawanna, amazon woman may just be in our future.

Of course, she may inherit Scott's height, his sister's and mom's skinny thighs, and their other unfair endowments and I will look at her in amazement and think... I made that???!!!??? Seriously that would be sooooo funny.

Anyway, you take my natural stockiness, add a big baby, lots of stress, and lots of cheeseburgers, and I am just plain HUGE! I just hope and pray that I won't get what I deserve and that I will actually be able to get into my old clothes soon! Please God!

So I am waddling, groaning, and I have to practically do the splits (thank you yoga) to be able to bend over or to sit up straight. I sit cross legged much of the time. All of my maternity tops have quit covering my stomach. I have one decent maternity outfit left that fits and even that has a hole in it. I have a few things I can wear to bed. One of them being a pair of fleece pants I was going to throw away two years ago and dug them out of the trash. I am no longer cutely pregnant. I am painfully, hugely, ballooningly, gargantuanly pregnant. And isn't it cool? I have made it to 35 weeks! Noah has gone from hugging my stomach to bouncing his head on it. Andy asks to snuggle with my tummy as though it were a separate entity. He warms his feet on it because it is so toasty warm.

Scott still manages to force out, "You're beautiful, honey! I love it when you're pregnant." But that I fear has started to become simply something he says so that he won't die. I take it at face value though.

So... this is going to be interesting these next few weeks. New baby, new baggy body, two big brothers, a proud papa. I am looking forward to it, but the air holds something electric in it. Life is about to change. A new person added to the family. It will never be the same again.