Hollylooyah

Here is a letter I wrote to the Orlando Sentinel and the Des Moines Register:

Thanks for your attention to the Terri Schiavo case. This case is an important one for our family because we too have a son who is brain damaged and with a feeding tube. There are many differences between our son and Terri Schiavo. Our son's brain, quite frankly, is not as injured. However, that being said, I wish that people in America could know that a feeding tube in and of itself is not life support any more than a straw in a soda or my mouth is "life support."

Feeding tubes are NOT connected to the patient all day. In fact, our son's feeding pump is less than three pounds, and he climbs slides, swings, runs and jumps with his feeding pump running. Now, obviously Terri is in a much more compromised state, but there is still a shadow of doubt as to whether or not Terri is in a Persistent Vegetative State. Not only that, but ALL PEOPLE regardless of their mental condition will deteriorate when kept in a non-stimulating environmnent. I think that as long as a person is alive, they should be treated as though they are completely aware of what is going on.

I think your point about not everyone agreeing on this is an important one. Her parents need to be able to care for her. They want to. They are willing too. To allow a mother to care for her child in the way her instinct guides her is the only humane decision here. In Nancy Cruzan case there was no doubt that she was brain dead. Her parents, led by instinct, knew that she was ready to be let go. Terri's parents are led in another direction. We would not put someone's innocent pet down without their permission. We should, in America, not EVER allow someone's child to be taken without their permission either.

I too wish to see rest for Terri, but not without resolution from her parents. They will know what to do. They have after all been her parents for 40 years. And as Erma Bombeck used to say, "I brought you into this world, and I can darn well take you out of it!" They aren't ready. Doctors and husbands don't know everything. Trust me, they don't. Our doctors told us the damage to our sons brain would keep him from walking.

All of these things being said... I have one more point. There is value in caring for others. We may want to live in a utopia where there is no suffering, no people who groan or grunt, no people hurting, no sadness. But this utopia is more possible. Let's as Americans say... when suffering does occur and loved ones are injured, when the chips are down and all hope seems lost, we step in and err on the side of life. Let's allow the Schiavo's a complete exam of Terri. Let's allow her to receive therapy. Let her mother rub scented lotion on her daughter. Let Terri be in the sunshine. Let her listen to music. Place tastes of delicious flavors on her tongue. Let her feel every sensory pleasure that she can. This will show true humanity... caring for the most defenseless in our society as though each one were our own daughter.

Thanks,

Holly Peterson

Okay, here's my next step in living a non-numb, totally authentic, messy but meaningful life... We did it... we put the TV away! We will see what happens. I was beginning to hate that thing because we all loved it so much! Don't get me wrong... we actually had entire evenings where the TV never even came on, but those were (are) rare. So we realized that we cannot at this time live a balanced existence... it is either all or nothing. At least for now! Last time we disconnected the TV we became Eastern Orthodox. I wonder what things we'll end up doing this time. We are going to probably fight a little more at first because we will actually be communicating more. We won't be as numb to our emotions. Seriously, sometimes I would feel kind of agitated about something else equally trivial, but I would just watch head into the TV room and numb myself with some entertainment until I felt calm. Now, maybe that is okay... I have yet to try positive alternatives.

Here are the top ten reasons to turn off our TV for good (or at least until we can't stand it anymore)-- in true late night TV style:

10. I have never heard of someone being forklifted out of their apartment because they weighed 800 pounds from reading too many books. (seriously, they are always in front of a TV surrounded by fast food containers-- this terrifies me.)

9. I found myself more excited about the next episode of Dr. Phil than the fact that the sun was going to be out the next day.

8. Andy saw a commercial of a gigantic platter of junk food and said, "Mmmm... that looks really good. We should get some of that."

7. Andy said, "Move, Noah, I am watching the TV now."

6. We have learned to plop Andy in front of the TV to distract him instead of making him get creative (uh-oh, what am I actually saying here... that I want Andy to be MORE creative?)

5. It is easier to watch TV than to get down on the floor and really play.

4. TV shows are really commercials with sensational shows between them to catch our attention.

3. We are developing a common homogenous identity as Americans-- one that is fed to us in bite size pieces by the TV-- it is telling us what is in and out and what to wear and what not to wear and what to put on our walls and what to put in our mouths and what to put in our wallets... and it is all in an effort to make me part with my money for something that will not help me or my family or the starving children in Africa or the environment or my neighbor.

2. I was watching CSI at least once a week with fake disfigured dead bodies when I really don't want to see fake disfigured dead bodies, and I could just as easily fill my mind with positive images from my children or from books or listen to music or take a walk or make something or paint something or call someone or blog or pray or play a game or sing or play the piano.

1. If I were to carve out an ideal life on paper-- one that really reflected my priorities, desires, and dreams, it would not include 20 hours of TV a week for our family.


Orthodoxy was first, my law school break was second, the TV is third. What is it going to take to peel back all the layers of the onion that are keeping me from living an existence where I am LIVING and where my children with their precious few moments with me take priority. When will I allow myself to FEEL no matter what the FEELINGS are and no matter how PAINFUL or STRONG they might be.

Silence is golden.

Life, if it is to be lived properly, is full, enriching, and somewhat messy. I have found that escaping tricky situations takes away the growth that comes from facing them head on... with faith that there will be an end. I waft between burying my head in the sand and then sticking my head in the clouds the next day. Both denial and lofty thinking and planning keep me from dealing with the sometimes humdrum, sometimes painful events that life throws at me. The living somewhere-in-between-the-clouds-and-sand is the hard part.

But to feel alive and to accomplish something is sometimes to accomplish nothing exciting. Sometimes it's important to do it even if I know I won't do it well. To feel alive, it helps to get down on my hands and knees and tickle Andy or to stick Noah on the potty or to read a book blissfully in the bathtub. Andy won't care if I say stupid stuff when I am playing pretend dragons with him or if I don't sing in tune... he'll remember that I did it. Likewise, Noah won't care if I don't pat him perfectly on the back, but he will still laugh with delight at his mommy's touch. Scott doesn't care that my supper isn't pretty, but he'll get a little happy feeling the next day that he had something good to take in his lunch.

I don't want to fight battles that aren't mine to fight. I don't have to be a lawyer just because I can. I don't have to end famine or stop wars... I can barely even stop the dust or mildew! I want my little pocket of the world to be good because that is the part I am responsible for. I don't want, as Scott says, to be "telescopically philanthropic"-- Throwing resources to someone far away while ignoring my own LIFE right here in front of me. I want to be globally aware and to continue to CARE about the world, but not at the expense of my little children and my husband. Is that now too myopic? I don't think so. I will support kids in other countries because I think it's right. But I darn well better make sure my kids have a good life too. This is where I am right now. I am aiming to land somewhere between Mother Theresa and Erma Bombeck... Although, secretly, I wonder if they both did the same amount of good... just in different ways. Wasn't Erma's way of making moms laugh at her stories a little like nourishing their dried out little souls hiding under the piles of dust bunnies, cheerios, and poopy diapers? Mother Theresa encouraged people choose life in all circumstances and Erma helped you live with your choice... because idealism is hard and it's good to see the humor in it.

I want to choose life in all circumstances: All of them, even if it is in the spirited lives of my boys. I think it was Ghandi that said, "It is easier to endure suffering than to inflict it." Course, he didn't have a toddler who had Babe Ruth's batting prowess. But seriously, if it doesn't sound too pious... that is my prayer, right here...

God... give me the courage to live up to my convictions...
to give others grace when I am fed up...
to love when I am feeling lazy...
to slow down when I am on the edge of burning out...
to keep my head out of the sand AND out of the clouds...
to look straight ahead while my soul is turned toward heaven...
and to forgive myself...
to be grateful for my life...
to be a mom, a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a great great niece, a sister, and a friend...
to live here in my little corner of the world...
to give joy instead of demanding perfection...
and to do good.